Vegetarian Recipes

I know what you’re thinking: “What the Fricking Frack are cod cheeks?” The answer (they’re the meaty jowls of the Gadus Morhua) begs the obvious supplementary question “…and where on earth do you expect me to get hold of those obscure little frackers?” The immediate reply is sorry, not even Waitrose stock them, so unless […]

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Bream steamed with celery, ginger & pickled plums

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The beauty of this dish is you can do most of the prep work in advance and spend the afternoon in the pub. Not obligatory you understand, but highly recommended. Tuna steak with peas, broad beans & spinach

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Summer has eventually arrived in the UK. It has even managed to reluctantly drag itself all the way up to Yorkshire where, tripping over Stoodley Pike and tumbling down the hill it collapsed bloody and exhausted in our very own back yard. In fact one afternoon it was so balmy I was able to pop […]

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I know, I know, you weren’t even aware cuttlefish had balls. Perhaps they do, perhaps they don’t. For all I know they might ride the ocean currents with their magnificent jewels swinging low and proud beneath them. Perhaps the entire aquatic world stares with slack-jawed envy as they swim by with their pendulous plums dragging […]

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One of the meatier vegetarian dishes you’ll find here on Yumblog.

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Smoked salmon scotch (quail) egg You can tell you’re at the Ocado end of the middle-class spectrum when your 2.5 year old asks for smoked salmon and quails eggs for breakfast. Soon she’ll be insisting on Jo Malone bum wipes. Anyway, if you manage to wrestle the ingredients away from your toddler why not make […]

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Ever wished you could enjoy your Fish Supper in one convenient, portable, pastry-encased handful? Of course you have. Then rejoice for your days of yearning are over as we here at the Laboratoires Yumblog have developed the Cod, Chips & Mushy Peas Pasty. Now you can scoff the nations favourite health food whilst out and […]

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Pity the green pepper, no wonder it’s a little bitter, here in the UK its sole function is to ‘add a bit of colour’ to that dull and unwanted guest at every barbecue, picnic or family gathering* – the rice and sweetcorn salad. Not so in Spain where the pimiento verde is treated with the […]

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This is a bit like a kedgeree … but with potatoes instead of rice… and smoked mackerel instead of haddock … and horseradish instead of curry powder… In fact now I think about it, nothing like a kedgeree. In that case, consider this a Salade Niçoise with mackerel replacing the tuna and an absence of […]

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What’s that? Your house doesn’t smell fishy enough? You like the idea of being greeted by a fishy waft every time you walk in the front door – no matter how much Glade ‘After the Rain’ you have sprayed about? Then why not make your own fish stock? And here’s how …

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If any of you dodgy lot were to break into Yumblog Cottage, you would probably notice (apart from how bloody cold it is) that despite several shelf loads of cookbooks, there was virtually nothing ‘written’ by TV chefs. No matter how frantically you rummaged, you’d find no Jamie, Nigella, Gordon, Heston, Sophie, Ainsley, Gino, Levi, […]

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It’s taken a while to write up this, the third of our festive gravali because to be honest I got a little over excited at the fishmonger’s (Paul, Todmorden Market) where I bought the salmon and ended up with 1.5kg of the stuff. Delicious as it was (and this beetroot version was the tastiest of […]

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Obviously our enjoyment of Christmas was seriously curtailed by the devastating news of Prince Philip’s hospitalisation – thank God the BBC ran half-hourly news bulletins to keep us up to date with every nuance of this never-changing national cataclysm. Here at Yumblog Cottage we tried to keep our subjective peckers up by preparing and scoffing […]

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According to this year’s Yumblog Winterval menu, on Christmas Eve we’ll be sitting down to a meal of ‘Gravalax 3 Ways with Horseradish Cream and Vodka’. Ever wary of eating raw flesh, we thought we’d do a dummy run of this, the most trad of the trio just to make sure it wasn’t too ‘wet […]

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Our recent move to dwellings considerably larger (and colder and damper) than our old lair at Yumblog Towers has meant our cookbooks can now be displayed in a more prominent position and as a result this long forgotten book on Alsatian cookery … I’ll pause for a moment while you insert your own dog joke.… […]

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It was Saturday so we took our now routine trip across the wasteland to Victoria Park ‘Village’ for provisions. Wallet out. A score in the fishmonger, a Paul McKenna each at the offy and greengrocer, a few sharpeners at an impressive £4.40 a pint… where did that fifty quid go? Well, most of it went […]

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It was Saturday morning and so the evening meal needed to be planned. She wanted something seafoody (but not with mussels). He wanted something spicy (but not Asian). They both wanted something tasty (not the usual slop they serve up). Cook books are leafed and websites consulted (but not food blogs as these are written […]

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Are you sitting confitably, then we’ll begin …

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Oft of a weekend we don disguises, dodge the border guards, dash across the metaphorical railway tracks and stealthily enter the sanctuary of E9 – aka Victoria Park Village. VPV (as I am sure it is referred to by Foxtons) is a culinary oasis in the otherwise apocalyptic wasteland of Costcutters and sub-KFC-style ‘restaurants’ which […]

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London Cure Smoked Scottish Salmon On a grey and damp Saturday last October all of us here at Yumblog Towers boarded the Globe Town charabanc and trundled eastwards to the annual Forman & Field open day. It transpired to be a great day out with talks and demonstrations from farmers and food producers, a tour […]

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If you take nothing else from this recipe, you will at least leave with an unusual and delicious new way of cooking potatoes. Not bad. Consider it an early Christmas present.

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…or Seafood Spaghetti baked in paper parcels. To be honest, this method doesn’t particularly impart any more flavour than if cooked in the more traditional way, however there is something satisfying and vaguely theatrical about peeling open the paper and wafting aside the aromatic steam to reveal a hearty mound of spaghetti and seafood.

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I came across the mention of Bottarga relatively recently and was intrigued by both the descriptions of its flavour (along the lines of ‘like nothing you’ve eaten before’ or ‘tastes just like the ocean’) and its impressive price tag (roughly a tenner for 100g). For those of you not in the know, Bottarga is fish […]

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A recent trawling of the recipe archive of the excellent Australian Gourmet Traveller Magazine website, produced among other things, this simple ‘one-pot’ fish dish. Instead of cod we opted to use the (considerably) cheaper and (coincidentally) sustainable whiting and spend the money we saved on an impressive quantity of prawns.

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As soon as I saw this recipe with it’s unusual ‘Boil in the Bag’ cooking technique, I knew I had to take it to our experimental kitchen here at Yumblog Towers and see if it was worthy of a place on the menu of our amusingly post-modern and knowingly ironic restaurant ‘The Yummy Duck’.

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In theory you could arrive home from work after an exhausting day Ice Road Trucking, and 10 minutes later be sitting at the dining table sipping a chilled white Rioja and tucking into this tasty treat… quicker than it takes to microwave a bowl of Batchelors UnSavoury Rice.

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Cornish Yarg is a mild yet flavoursome firm cheese not to be confused with the Cornish ‘Yarp’ – the only word uttered by Michael in ‘Hot Fuzz’.

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The recent purchase of a £25 bargain pasta maker* has led to a spate of fresh pasta making here at Yumblog Towers. Whether this enthusiasm lasts or whether this gadget ends up in the back of the cupboard along with the onion goggles, Waring Professional Martini Maker, OXO Good Grips® Strawberry Huller, Cuisinart® Soup Maker, […]

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Here’s a great idea – why not get up early on Saturday morning and spend an hour baking for a cat? After all it has to be a rewarding experience, our feline colleagues are renowned for their un-fussy attitude to food and the appreciative way they savour every meal lovingly placed before them. What could […]

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Take one Guardian Weekend magazine and one quandary about what to feed Archaeologist T. Realise that multiple small dishes that can be dipped into at a fixed pace are just the thing. Go to the market and buy fish. The market being a fish stall on Roman Road just round the corner, these fish were […]

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Our new chums at Abel & Cole have been sending us more delicious treats to cook, scoff and review. This week our stash included organic Scottish Salmon which if you follow that link you will find out live in remote and spacious cages off the coast of the Orkneys. It goes on to report that […]

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Was it only a week ago that the yumbloggers were sitting in 35ºC of Madrid heat on the terraza outside the Café Delic eating lunch and drinking chilled glasses of refreshing Mahou Classic? (Stop it, you’re beginning to sound like a middle class wanker – Ed) Ah yes, Blogger-D had a simple roll generously filled […]

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Obviously the most productive thing you can do with an egg is lob it into the fat one-eyed face of <nazi cunt>Nick Griffin</nazi cunt>. However, if for some reason he isn’t goose-stepping through your neighbourhood you could do a lot worse than use it to make these delicious and comforting spaghetti fritters.

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… or if you prefer green sauce, or maybe sauce verte, possibly Grüne Soße.

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I came across this recipe in last month’s Wa’ro magazine and it looked so tasty I had to give it a try. It also gave me the opportunity to photograph it alongside this stylishly knackered old fork which I bought recently in a charity shop purely for use as a prop. Everybody’s doing it – […]

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‘I can’t be in love if it’s plastic to live on my own just seems tragic but we’ll raise our swords high when our day comes you thought it was gold but it was bronze so, get here in time when our day comes you thought it was gold but it was bronze’ If this […]

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This lovely dish is made only from locally sourced fresh ingredients and is very popular at our friendly and unpretentious ‘local bistro’ restaurant ‘Charlie Uniform November Tango’.

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We would like to reassure readers that despite selling 20% of yumblog to Coca-Cola for a cool £30m, we are adamant that our ideals* and pseudo-eco-friendly sentiments will be in no way compromised. Yumblog will still be cynically overpriced, we will continue to put patronising and twee drivel in a ‘handwritten’ font on all our […]

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“I’m sitting at this table called love, staring down at the irony of life. How come we’ve reached this fork in the road, and yet it cuts like a knife”*

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