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Pesto

Although I’ve made pesto many times before, I’ve generally haphazardly chucked the ingredients into the food processor and left it to chance. Despite the results usually being good, I thought it was about time I consulted the mama of authentic Italian home cooking, Marcella Hazan and see if she had an angle on this classic sauce. And indeed she did … double cheeses and butter.

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Congratulations to Dave (Dandruff, 43) and his lovely wife Samantha (Working mum, 39) on the birth of Florence Rose Endellion Cameron (Baby, 0). Now a mere 12 weeks ago I would have considered Dave to be a flimsy, flaccid, formless political shape-shifting opportunist twat who has only got to the top of the greasy pole of life thanks to his pampered publicly-schooled toffy quaffing upbringing and unearned £6,000,000 inheritance and as a consequence would have been utterly indifferent to any child unfortunate enough to spring from his pale, plump, privileged and I imagine, hairless loins.

However the arrival of Yumblog Junior and the resultant responsibilities of fatherhood have left me a changed man. As I held my child aloft for the first time and thanked the heavens for their precious gift of life I was transformed into a caring, nurturing and tolerant metrosexual male devoid of any cynicism, bitterness or class hatred. So well done Dave! The thought of my daughter growing up in a country governed by you and your deserving kind fills me to the brim with unbridled joy. I sleep soundly at night safe in the knowledge that you are striving to create a fair and just society in which all children will be given the opportunity to reach their full potential irrespective of geography, class or six million quid nest egg.

A belated thanks to all the staff at the Marie Celeste Maternity Ward, The Royal London Hospital. In these dangerous Cameron days it’s important to fight privatisation and commercialisation and support the NHS.

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I’d never made a lemon cake before and we have thyme aplenty on the balcony so how about a lemon thyme cake as featured in the Observer mag a few weeks ago? Oh and the cake master herself was coming to visit Yumblog Junior, perhaps I could show off my culinary skills – she’s tasted my flapjacks and chocolate biscuits, now to join the big boys in the cake room.

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Inspired by a trip to the Brugge Chip Museum.

Please exit through the giftshop

If you had any doubts about the half-arsed nature of Dandruff Dave’s BIG SOCIETY, visit the official website.

A recent trawling of the recipe archive of the excellent Australian Gourmet Traveller Magazine website, produced among other things, this simple ‘one-pot’ fish dish. Instead of cod we opted to use the (considerably) cheaper and (coincidentally) sustainable whiting and spend the money we saved on an impressive quantity of prawns.

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There are some recipes you can taste just by reading them. This was one such recipe and it read delicious.

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You bought the T-Shirt in your thousands, so why not buy the book too and bring alphabeticalised joy to the child in your life.

Bored with biscuits out of off of the cupboard? Want to eat a flapjack that will taste nothing like the dense sugar marathons that you can get in packets labelled ‘Mrs Futtocks’ home-baked country goodness treats’? Have you a spare half hour? I have the answer.

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In our new guise as parents we have entered a world where being invited to someone’s house for lunch doesn’t necessarily mean that you will be leaving at midnight having drunk the Rhone valley dry. It’s novel and despite our underlying fatigue, sensible drinking on a weekend still seems inherently wrong. So we had been invited round for salmon barbecued on a cedar plank – another novel practice, that of barbecuing on gas and buying a special wooden plank that you have to soak so it doesn’t burn and then cooking the fish on it to give a flavour that you might possibly have got had you cooked on coals and just added a sprinkling of wood chips, but hey what do I know? Anyway I offered to make a pudding and remembered this recipe from a few weeks back (D Lep, of course). Especially good if you like sugar with your sugar.

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In the lull between milk extraction and nappy changing I remembered the vast amounts of 85% plain chocolate I had bought and sought to put some of it to work. I was looking for a chocolate biscuit with a melty bit as I’d never made one before and none of my books could help. A quick google later and Jme O of Essex had come up with the goods. There would be chocolate biscuits for after dinner and all was right with the world.

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As soon as I saw this recipe with it’s unusual ‘Boil in the Bag’ cooking technique, I knew I had to take it to our experimental kitchen here at Yumblog Towers and see if it was worthy of a place on the menu of our amusingly post-modern and knowingly ironic restaurant ‘The Yummy Duck’.

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In theory you could arrive home from work after an exhausting day Ice Road Trucking, and 10 minutes later be sitting at the dining table sipping a chilled white Rioja and tucking into this tasty treat… quicker than it takes to microwave a bowl of Batchelors UnSavoury Rice.

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In the spirit of Dandruff Dave’s Big Society we here at Yumblog have served each other redundancy notices so that you, dear reader, can volunteer and write this blog yourself.  So come on Dirk, Tony, Helen, Scooter McKenzie, Mimsy Swallows, Zucchini Breath, Briony Bob et al, step forward and become part of this radical new age of Victorian philanthropy. We’re off to volunteer to pilot the local air ambulance. Huzzah!.

If your griddled halloumi doesn’t adhere to these rules, throw it away and start again.

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Mealtimes have changed here at Yumblog Towers. Top scientists have proved there is now a 99.74% certainty that as soon as we plate up, pull the cork and sit down to enjoy our evening meal, Yumblog Junior will wake from her slumber/get bored with whatever devious distraction we have devised for her, and demand our total and unconditional attention. As a result dinners are usually eaten late, cold, in shifts, one-handed or a combination of all four. In an attempt to accommodate our beloved nipper and avoid too many tears (mine), we are tending towards tasty meals which can be prepared quickly and with the minimum amount of faff – such as this Paccheri with Roasted Peppers.

Don’t be fooled by that innocent face.

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For anyone who hasn’t eaten this butter and cheese laden French take on mashed potato let me tell you it is more comforting than being hugged by a 6 foot Angora rabbit with a PhD in Applied Cuddling. More comforting than lying in a bath of warm Lenor as a Labrador puppy nuzzles your neck and Nurse Gladys Emmanuel whispers “Relax, everything’s going to be all right”. More comforting than … well you get the point.

Holding image: Photographs still being processed at Snappy Snaps

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The ginger is in inverted commas because this ‘ginger’ lemonade didn’t turn out to be particularly gingery. HF-W specifies you use a piece of ginger the size of a thumb, so I can only assume he is the proud owner of digiti primi as big as cucumbers … great for hitchhiking but about as arbitrary as a cup as a term of measurement. Yumblog therefore recommends you use a piece of ginger the size of two thumbs – think Selwyn Froggitt* and then think Selwyn Froggitt again.

Foodgawper: Declined – Lighting/exposure issues

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I’ll never forget the charming little threadbare street vendor on the dusty corner of Presa Las Virgenes and Paseo de la Reforma where we would regularly purchase our Elotes at the end of a frantic day’s shoot. We’d take these tasty corn ‘popsicles’ up to the terracotta rooftops of our rambling majestic casa and accompanied by an iced bottle of Medelo, watch the sun as it set dramatically over the picturesque slums of downtown Mexico City.

Actually we’ve never been to Mexico or a ‘shoot’, but it seems in all likelihood plausible to imagine that this might seemingly be quite like the sort of thing we could have possibly done, perhaps.

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Don’t forget, 20:00, tomorrow, for the next 128 weeks.

The first crop of celebrities are: Neil Stuke (Game On/The Bill), Tessa Sanderson (Javelin Gold Medal/The Bill), Richard Farleigh (Dragons Den/The Bill), Alex Fletcher (Brookside/The Bill) and Nihal Arthanayake (Radio One/The Bill)

Next: Colin Jackson (5 ft 11½ in), Tricia Penrose (From Heartbeat to a fitness video via a failed music career), Christine Hamilton (Media-shy wallflower), Martin Roberts (Either the bloke who presents ‘Homes Under the Hammer’ or a rugby player) , Jenny Powell (Loose woman)

Next week: Dick Strawbridge (Engineer, TV Presenter and porn star), Jennie Bond (Posher than the Queen and one of the most annoying women alive), Marcus Patrick (Hollyoaks? The Bill? Holby City?), Kym Mazelle (lost 1st 10lb on Celebrity Fat Club) and Dean Macey (Bald decathlete)

Then: Chris Walker (Either a motorcycle racer, rugby player, footballer, historian or wrestler), Lisa Faulkner (replaced previous CMc winner Nadia Sawalha on Heir Hunters), Mark Little (Forever Joe Mangel), Mark ‘Chappers’ Chapman (Came 2nd in Celebrity Mastermind) and Danielle ‘ They eat with their hands in India, don’t they‘ Lloyd (Racist slag).

Gregg “Phwour! That’s a grind of pepper and a twist of lemon away from perfection, my friend” Wallace

Readers who feel more comfortable living their lives to a strict set of arbitrary rules will be pleased to discover this recipe adheres to the Four ‘S’ Dictum of Culinary Correctness:

1. Fresh peas are currently available – Seasonal.
2. Our balcony is resplendent with home-grown mint – Sustainable.
3. It’s eaten cold and it’s hot outside – Summery.
4. It’s runny and can be eaten with a spoon – Soupy.

A potential fifth ‘S’ could have been saving, scrimping, skimping, sparing or stingy as this soup cleverly and economically uses the entire pea intactus – pod and all.

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The question mark is there because if eaten immediately this is a thick wholesome soup, but if left in the fridge overnight and eaten cold, it miraculously transforms into a tasty bean salad. Two different foodstuffs for the price (and effort) of one. Well bargain, innit.

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Anaheim peppers are essentially mild with an unexpected and pleasing peppery warmth which registers a modest 500 to 2,500 on the Scoville scale. If you can’t get hold of them use the common or garden red pepper and cut it into 1 – 2cm strips.

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The chefs at our flagship eatery ‘Chez Yumblog’ are always on the look out for new and exciting ways to add the humble, nutritious and CHEAP chickpea to the menu. Consequently there was much excitement in the kitchen when Pascal le Plongeur nervously presented this recipe to the Kitchen Porter, who passed it on to the Commis Chef, who passed it on to the Expediter, who passed it on to the Chef du Partie, who passed it on to the Sous Chef, who finally passed it on to Head Chef Jean-Luc Picard. Pascal was immediately sacked for ‘unmannerly impropriety’ but his dish became a favourite at the ‘All you can fit in your face for £1.49 lunchtime buffet’.

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Tomato & Cream Sauce

The third in this occasional series and the third taken from ‘The Essentials of Classic Italian Cooking‘ by Marcella Hazan. The marketing department here at Yumblog (Yumedia Communications) believe this to be the most comprehensive, authentic and definitive cookbook on the subject, so if you like Italian food (and who doesn’t) you should really consider investing a mere £16 and adding this weighty volume to your library.

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Victor: A scone and tea at half past three, makes the day a little brighter. So you can keep your cakes and fancy tarts….

Jack and Victor: …and stick them up your shiter.

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In lieu of a proper posting, here is a photo of a dog-shaped piece of marmalade on toast which miraculously appeared at a recent breakfast.

We here at Yumblog would like to announce the addition to our team of Yumblog Junior, who arrived last Wednesday weighing in at an impressive 9lb 12oz. Normal Yumblogging will resume soon and we promise no cutesy baby anecdotes or amusing tales of parenthood.*

* probably

Relax, these are obviously middle-class baked beans which involve overnight soaking, an hour and a half in the oven and plenty of extra virgin olive oil.

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Got a kid or thinking of getting one? Why not spoil it with this exclusive yumblog ‘Ribbit Rabbit Robot’ T-Shirt and be the envy of the other NCT yummy mummies.

Let’s go shopping

This recipe is from the poetically titled and yet to be published ‘Purple Citrus and Sweet Perfume‘ by Silvena Rowe which was featured in the latest OFM. If this and the other published recipes are anything to go by, this particular publication could well be joining the myriad cookbooks gracing the West Wall of the Keith Talent Wing in the Great Library here at Yumblog Towers.

Anyway, it was the weekend when yumblogger junior was due to arrive*, so what better distraction from impending parenthood than cooking up a selection of tasties for a relaxed and informal evening of tapas.

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This recipe was the result of a pioneering scientific experiment to recreate something similar to Dr. Karg Crispbreads which, despite their medical honorific and Teutonic wholemeal worthiness are surprisingly tasty and addictive – especially if topped with a wedge of Extra Mature and a dollop of Branston. And so to the experiment…not being experts in this particular field, we first went online and downloaded the necessary doctorate in ‘Homeopathic Wellness & Nutritional Pseudology’ from the highly respected and accredited American College of Holistic Quackery & Complementary Witchcraft. Then it was a short monorail ride to the secret underground Yumblog laboratory where, 10 exhaustive minutes later, we emerged with this fiendishly simple recipe.

Serving suggestion only: Egg mayonnaise not included.

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Another Simon Hopkinson recipe, although this time one he borrowed from a cookbook written by Roald Dahl, who in his turn took it from a nice man in Arnhem who made these tasties at his patisserie. Judging by the photo in the (subsequently purchased and truly delightful) Roald Dahl book, these biscuits aren’t quite the right shape but they are so very tasty I think this is but a detail.

A yumblog 6Music tribute to Ronnie James Dio who sadly died over the weekend.

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So a Frenchman arrives bearing cheeses and wines which you duly wolf for lunch, but what to feed him for dinner? Well trad English had to be the way forward since his culinary experience has not really crossed the Channel (or The Sleeve as they call it in France). And Pot-kicker-T isn’t overenamoured of the English kitchen so unlikely to have educated the fellow, ‘in England they don’t like food and everything comes out of tins’. Not her words that I’m aware of, but she does come out with similar nonsense. So rice pudding anyway.

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Some of you may have missed the whole Delia’s Seafood Risotto brouhaha. Read the comments before they are inevitably taken down.

In case you didn’t know (and why should you, I didn’t until I came across the recipe) Bagna Cauda is a pungent garlic and anchovy dip which is a great accompaniment to raw vegetables and crusty bread. There are many subtle variations on the recipe and as this one comes from Heston Blumenthal, it is as you’d expect, at the slightly more involved and faffy end of the spectrum. That said, it is still very easy to make.

Bullingdon Bertie: Warning, DO NOT click on this link and read the fawning comments about our Great Leader.

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OK, so you’ve spent most the weekend in the lab distilling your tomato essence, now to put it into action as the base for this rather delicious Tomato Risotto.

Paxton the Pig: Scroll down and read the review from James Rose … such a warm, expressive Grandfather.

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Exhausted by the weeks of avoiding the electioneering and depressed at the prospect that this would no doubt be our last weekend under an (admittedly crap) Labour government, we felt the need for something both fortifying and cheery for breakfast. Turning to a small Yotam Ottolenghi recipe book which had recently plopped out of the Guardian we happened upon this Dr. Seuss sounding dish of Green Pancakes with Lime Butter. Give them a go. You could eat them with a fox, you could eat them in a box. You could eat them here or there, you could eat them anywhere.

It must be remembered that despite looking like something you might step in when strolling across a cow field, these green pancakes are very tasty indeed.

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Hello, below is a message from our new chums @ AGA:

‘On Saturday May 15 every AGA store in the UK will be holding an open day in the build-up to national Vegetarian Week, which runs from May 24-30*.

The AGA open day will include the opportunity to sample the delicious vegetarian dishes, learn how to make them yourself and also to pick up handy recipe ideas from the Vegetarian Society. Also available will be a selection of cookware from AGA Cook Shop with many products perfect for cooking those newly learned vegetarian dishes.

Vegetarian Week has been organised by the Vegetarian society to help spread awareness of the benefits of a meat-free diet. AGA is proud to be supporting the event as part of its Meat Free Month. A meat-free diet has many benefits. Studies for World Cancer Research have found that we lower our risk of cancer by eating mainly plant-based foods. Research has also shown that vegetarians have a greatly reduced risk of heart disease. Vegetarian diets also tend to be much lower in fat than a diet containing meat; this is good for your heart, weight and overall health.’

If in central London, your nearest AGA shop is located at:
5 Beauchamp Place, Knightsbridge, London, SW3 1NG

* That’s ’24th-30th May’ in English.

Mucking about with a Raymond Blanc recipe…I know, the arrogance of it. Generally I would follow Monsieur Blanc’s instructions to the letter, but I had no Angostura Bitters and was not prepared to buy a bottle just for required 2-3 dashes, and I suspected my local CostCutter was unlikely to stock either banana shallots or fresh garlic flowers. The original recipe can be found here, but I suspect this one is likely to be more realistic for the average punter.

So what are you going to do with your tomato essence?
Make Raymond Blanc’s ‘Tomato Risotto’ – recipe to follow.

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