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No matter how hungry you are. Even if you’ve wasted an entire Friday evening sitting in the Regent Street Apple Store waiting for a ‘Genius’ to fit a new battery to your 9 month old MacBook Pro, never buy a Sainsbury’s Cheese Feast Stuffed Crust Pizza. It’s pure filth. And not in a good way. [...]

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Like a dog returning to its vomit, here we are once again preparing three unappetising platefuls of instant pasta for this, our eighth yuckblog taste test. Thus far much of what we have tried has been of such a lamentable quality it can barely be described as ‘food’, so this time we have travelled further [...]

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I had fond memories of Batchelors Savoury Rice. I remember it magically appearing sometime during the 1970s and becoming a regular teatime favourite along with butterscotch Angel Delight, Dream Topping and Arctic Roll. However, having just sampled three miserable variations, I now know that 30 years can play terrible tricks on the mind, and memories, [...]

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A battle between two behemoths here. The ubiquitous high-street-killer Sainsbury’s, and the daddy of dehydrated snack foods, Batchelors – the company which bought us such culinary innovations as Cup-a-Soup and Savoury Rice. So which is the best? Only one way to find out. Food fight. ‘Do not purchase if open or torn‘

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Yummy, now for dessert. And what better after a bowl of delicious Asda ‘Good For You!’ Spaghetti in a cheese flavoured sauce with broccoli floret pieces than a raspberry cheesecake? Your dinner guests will be so impressed.

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Here we have two cheesy pasta treats which are so enthusiastic they have exclamation marks. One contains real broccoli floret pieces and is good for you!, while the other in ready in 5! and makes the bold claim of being gloriously tasty. ‘Warning requires cooking – in a proper pan!’

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It was obvious from the outset that this was going to be an unfair contest as these products are intended for two very different markets. One is a collection of processed junk cynically targeted at children and the other a holy trinity of ‘Trusted Brands’ marketed to grown-ups. ‘Delicious hot or cold’

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In the blue corner, weighing in at 295 calories and boasting no artificial colours or flavours we have ‘Dairylea Lunchables’. And in the red corner, 117 calories lighter but armed with a free plastic handy spreader fork ‘Brunchettas’ ‘Lunchables can make a fun change to a sandwich’

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A regular game we play to enliven the joyless visit to a supermarket is to hunt down the most ridiculous, unappetising, over-packaged or ill-conceived snack ‘food’ and snarl Duncan Bannatyne style derision at it. However, as enjoyable as this is, I sometimes feel we are just being middle-class OFM-reading wankers and so perhaps should give [...]

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