welcome to yumblog.co.uk

Congratulations to Dave (Dandruff, 43) and his lovely wife Samantha (Working mum, 39) on the birth of Florence Rose Endellion Cameron (Baby, 0). Now a mere 12 weeks ago I would have considered Dave to be a flimsy, flaccid, formless political shape-shifting opportunist twat who has only got to the top of the greasy pole [...]

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A belated thanks to all the staff at the Marie Celeste Maternity Ward, The Royal London Hospital. In these dangerous Cameron days it’s important to fight privatisation and commercialisation and support the NHS. View all images

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If you had any doubts about the half-arsed nature of Dandruff Dave’s BIG SOCIETY, visit the official website.

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Don’t forget, 20:00, tomorrow, for the next 128 weeks. The first crop of celebrities are: Neil Stuke (Game On/The Bill), Tessa Sanderson (Javelin Gold Medal/The Bill), Richard Farleigh (Dragons Den/The Bill), Alex Fletcher (Brookside/The Bill) and Nihal Arthanayake (Radio One/The Bill) Next: Colin Jackson (5 ft 11½ in), Tricia Penrose (From Heartbeat to a fitness [...]

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In lieu of a proper posting, here is a photo of a dog-shaped piece of marmalade on toast which miraculously appeared at a recent breakfast.

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We here at Yumblog would like to announce the addition to our team of Yumblog Junior, who arrived last Wednesday weighing in at an impressive 9lb 12oz. Normal Yumblogging will resume soon and we promise no cutesy baby anecdotes or amusing tales of parenthood.* * probably

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Some of you may have missed the whole Delia’s Seafood Risotto brouhaha. Read the comments before they are inevitably taken down.

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Here are some entirely random screen grabs from ‘The Delicious Miss Dahl’

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Nothing to do with food, but I thought you might like this illustration of how to fix a Telly Tubby’s broken tummy tele screen. Possibly not suitable for work (or small children). See whole illustration

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Congratulations to NuDadDhruv for winning last nights MasterChef. He and the rest of the show will be greatly missed here at Yumblog Towers, although on the plus side we’ll no longer have to watch the endlessly repeated clip of the Tower of London toff coyly complaining “I think if I hadn’t been told it was [...]

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Regular readers may recall that last year the face of our Lord Jesus H Christ miraculously appeared on a piece of toast. Well imagine our surprise when exactly a year to the day, the very same holy fizzog materialised on the piece of muslin we were using to cover our Hot Cross Bun dough. We [...]

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Have you been watching the new Sophie Dahl cookery show? Isn’t it utterly brilliant! I think we can all agree it’s the very embodiment of the Reithian axiom to educate, inform and entertain and the BBC should be rightly proud of itself*. Who needs 6Music if the money saved by its butchery can go to [...]

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Blogger-D’s comment on Guardian Online I’m guessing that the amount of publicity given to 6Music these past few days must have done quite a bit to their listenership, I hope it has. Thompson and his fellow idiots should check out the figures and listen to their audience of proper music lovers. Does the BBC not [...]

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‘From concept to the last sprig of garnish by Fanny and Johnnie Cradock’ No3, published by Purnell in 1970, every Thursday, price 4’6. The issue which brought you Fanny’s infamous ‘Banana Candles’

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Following on from this week’s earth shattering news of a woman who found six double yolkers* in a single box of eggs, imagine our surprise and delight when we cracked open an egg this morning and found not just a double yolk, but a double yolk bearing the dual fizzogs of cheeky TV light entertainers [...]

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view whole set

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Ever willing to jump on any faddish bandwagon which happens to be passing his £1.5 million North Kensington home, and eager to emulate the grubby and cynical dealings of Silvio Berlusconi, David Cameron today announced the launch of the McTory burger. Included in the range is the McBullingdon (Two over-privileged 1/2lb brandy fuelled patties made [...]

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I was shocked to read that British children’s packed lunches are not meeting the nutritional standards that have been set for their classmates on school meals. A typical school child’s packed lunch consists of sugary snacks, knives,  meow meow, happy slapping, chlamydia, Asbo’s and Monster Munch it was revealed in today’s Daily Mail. This nutritional [...]

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Hi guys. Hot off the mustard* the new issue of Yumie Magazine is chock-a-block full of exciting colourful Christmas ideas to make your humble monochrome existence less shabby, bleak, and let’s be honest, pointless. Look on with slack-jawed envy as we honour you with a glimpse into the kaleidoscopic sumptuous magnificence that is a Christmas [...]

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Happy New Year from all of us here at Yumblog.

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Hi Guys, is Jamie Oliver’s Spicy Olive Garlic & Tomato Pasta Sauce not salty enough for you? Why not try the Yumblog strawberry flavoured salt lick – It’s guaranteed to get your blood boiling! Only £12.99 from all good branches of Cost Cutter. Great sprinkled on chips!

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Fwd: Underground food and drink festival, E8 Hi R (a) It costs £40 (b) It involves booze (c) It is pitching itself as so intolerably cool I can almost feel the moustaches Obviously we won’t be able to call ourselves cutting edge any more, never mind. D xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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I don’t know about you, but I think all this talk of Gordon Ramsay having a facelift is utter nonsense… his lovely new complexion is just down to sympathetic lighting and a good daily skin care regime.

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Hi guys. The new issue of Yumie Magazine trudges wearily over the well-trod ground of the US of A! We’ve asked around the office, spent the morning on Google and flicked through a 20 year old edition of ‘Floyd’s American Pie’ to cobble together this lazy cliché-ridden feast of Americana. Some of these recipes have [...]

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Rejoice, MasterChef is back! This time around it’s a mixed bag of ‘Professionals’ who have to cook for Gregg and friends and thankfully the format is little changed. Despite being an irregular at my local gym, Gregg “That’s a twist of a lemon and a chop of a chilli away from perfection, my friend” Wallace [...]

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Hope you all noticed another bit of cheeky photoshop work in the latest Observer Food Monthly – Chuck Palahniuk’s face in a piece of KFC chicken.

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Hi Guys, exciting news, Yumie magazine is now being sold in all good branches of CostCutters across the UK** as well as the usual Timothy Whites. So now there is no excuse not to read this supremely glossy example of vanity publishing. Pick up issue 4 and see how we have belatedly jumped on the [...]

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Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall was the guest on Desert Island Discs this week. Although I never actually listened to the programme subsequent research showed him to have the reasonable (albeit mainstream) musical tastes of a man of a certain age. The Specials – Gangsters. The Who – Love Reign O’er Me. Beethoven – Symphony No.9 in D [...]

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A lovely lady called Gwydwr came up to the big smoke and gave us some handsome home grown turnips and a pair of socks each. We ate them thinly sliced and raw in a salad. They were peppery and delicious. The turnips weren’t half bad either. Ha.

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Last weekend Team Yumblog shaved an hour off their personal best and finished the London to Brighton cycle ride in record time. There was to be extensive photographic documentation of this momentous event but the camera battery went flat the night before and the charger was the other side of the river. The packing.

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Once again Team Yumblog will be slipping sexily into lycra cycling breeches and pedalling the 54 miles from the heart of London’s Clapham Common all the way down to Brighton. There is a specially designed team t-shirt available here which anyone is welcome to buy should the urge grab them. A full size version of [...]

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Is it me, or is that John Hurt’s lovely face in a piece of his own salami? It’s either a minor miracle, a vanity project, or the designer working on the ‘What’s in your basket?’ feature in this Sunday’s ‘Observer Food Monthly’ was a bit bored and decided to counterbalance Dr John Briffa’s usual pessimistic [...]

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Fill the raw cannelloni, as they are in the box without boiling them. (The stuffing must be cold). On the bottom of the empty bakepan strew tomato sauce. The cannelloni, as they are settled in the bakepan on one layer, strew above fluid tomato sauce in order to counterbalance the interior expansion with the outer [...]

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This lovely dish is made only from locally sourced fresh ingredients and is very popular at our friendly and unpretentious ‘local bistro’ restaurant ‘Charlie Uniform November Tango’.

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Always on the lookout for the opportunity to appear on the fringes of yesterday’s zeitgeist we cooked up a plan to share with you – our faithful – an album choc full of infitessimally predictable and overexposed tunes that you couldn’t possibly have playlisted yourselves. We call it Cook-In – like the sauce you use [...]

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Your second helping of Yumie Magazine is now available from just the one outlet, making it reasonably difficult to get hold of but all the more exclusive for it, after all exclusivity is what Yumie is all about. It isn’t? Oh. Anyway this edition is full to the brim with meaty nourishment to keep your [...]

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