It was obvious from the outset that this was going to be an unfair contest as these products are intended for two very different markets. One is a collection of processed junk cynically targeted at children and the other a holy trinity of ‘Trusted Brands’ marketed to grown-ups.
‘Delicious hot or cold’
First up the Attack a Snak
Number of ingredients: 29 including Diglycerides of Fatty Acids
Description: Ham wrap with Cheestrings
Hmmm, what do we have here? Some sweaty pink stuff, a piece of vacuum-packed fluorescent plastic, cardboard and an incongruous sachet of Heinz tomato ketchup.
The pink stuff has to be one of the most unappetizing things I have ever seen. A sweating, flaccid, ragged slither of putrid-looking flesh… surely it’s in here by mistake. A reluctant tasting reveals it to be overly salty with a very slight taste of ‘meat’, possibly chicken.
The fluorescent plastic turns out to be something called a ‘Cheestring’ and apparently is safe to eat. Safe but not pleasant, especially with its oily soapy aftertaste.
The cardboard was in fact just that, cardboard.
It is difficult to assemble into anything resembling a wrap as the cardboard is brittle and tends to snap rather than roll. Tasted as a combo it starts with salty wet meat, goes through uncooked pastry and ends with tomato ketchup. There is no cheese flavour at all.
If you want to read some cartoon wrapped bullshit about how healthy and nutritious Cheestrings are, click here.
Conclusion: Rancid. I shudder to think what this would have tasted like if we had taken up their suggestion, bunged it in a microwave and served it hot. This is not food.
Next the Cathedral City Lunch Pack
Number of ingredients: 27 including Sulphur Dioxide
Description: 4 Mature yet mellow Cheddar slices, 4 crisp baked JACOB’S Cream Crackers with delicious BRANSTON Pickle Dip.
What can I say. It’s a cream cracker with a piece of cheddar and a blob of pickle on top. Very tasty. We’d eat it. In fact we did
So confident are Cathedral City about their Lunch Pack, they don’t even mention the exciting inclusion of a plastic spreader.
Conclusion: A convenient albeit over-priced and over-packaged way of buying 4 cream crackers with cheese and a blob of pickle on top.
Winner: Lunch Pack by a mile. By a hundred miles. By 10,567,876 miles.