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There are scurrilous allegations in today’s papers that Yumblog NEVER signed for Glasgow Rovers and NEVER played a first team game for them – despite saying so repeatedly on TV, radio and in print. Yumblog is sticking with the porkies told in our autobiography ‘Yumble Pie’ that we were in fact the Glasgow giants’ star player and gloriously took them …

Baked Feta Parcel

Yet more allegations that Yumblog, 42, has been having a sordid (and utterly predictable) affair with a desperate publicity-seeking blonde slapper, 37. This is of course untrue, and to prove our innocence we bribed bought Mrs Yumblog, 33, a fucking massive diamond ring from fucking Theo Fennell!

Patatas Bravas

Rumours abound that Yumblog Holdings has breached its banking covenants (whatever that means) and that perhaps the Yumblog franchise is not the cash cow it once used to be. We would like to rigorously refute these allegations and point out that all of our ventures (including Yumblog at Claridges, Yum in Grosvenor Square, Ad Nauseyum on Royal Hospital Road, J.D. …