Dr Yum Gourmet Crispbread

This recipe was the result of a pioneering scientific experiment to recreate something similar to Dr. Karg Crispbreads which, despite their medical honorific and Teutonic wholemeal worthiness are surprisingly tasty and addictive – especially if topped with a wedge of Extra Mature and a dollop of Branston. And so to the experiment…not being experts in this particular field, we first went online and downloaded the necessary doctorate in ‘Homeopathic Wellness & Nutritional Pseudology’ from the highly respected and accredited American College of Holistic Quackery & Complementary Witchcraft. Then it was a short monorail ride to the secret underground Yumblog laboratory where, 10 exhaustive minutes later, we emerged with this fiendishly simple recipe.

Serving suggestion only: Egg mayonnaise not included.

Preparation time: 10 minutes plus and hour rising time
Cooking time: 20 – 35 minutes
Skill level: easy
Makes: 2 very large crispbreads

Ingredients

• strong wholemeal flour – 200g
• mixed seeds (such as salad mix) – 200g
• dried yeast – 5g
• warm water – 350ml
• fine sea salt – 1 tsp

Put all the ingredients in a bowl and mix together thoroughly.

Cover with cling film and set aside somewhere warm for an hour so the yeast can do its thing.

Heat the oven to 200C (gas mark 6).

Line a baking sheet with a double thickness of non-stick baking paper.

Spoon some (probably half) of the mixture onto the baking tray.

Spread out evenly and thinly with a wooden spoon.

Cover with a sheet of non-stick paper and roll to the required thickness – about 5mm.

Carefully peel off the paper (the mixture is wet and sticky) to reveal your giant cracker.

Place in the oven and cook for a vague 20 – 35 minutes, or until your crackers are golden brown and starting to crisp.

Remove from the oven, turn upside down and carefully peel off the paper.

Leave to cool on a wire rack and then cut to ‘Rivita’ sized sheets.

Repeat with the remaining mixture.

Verdict: Not bad for a first attempt although this is still very much a WiP. Less of a crispbread and more of a chewybread. Nevertheless, a good base for a savoury snack.

Drink: Mostly M&S Belgian lager.

Entertainment: An idle few minutes on Amazon led to the arrival of tunes by ‘Dead Can Dance’, ‘Boards of Canada’, ‘Wasted Youth’ and ‘Ulrich Schnauss’ as well as a Jarvis Cocker inspired ‘Mr Men – The Complete Original Series 1 And 2’ narrated by Arthur Lowe.