If like me two weeks ago, you have never tasted carp and you think it would be interesting to give it a go, my advice to you is please don’t bother. Along with voting Tory, ‘The Vicar of Dibley’ and felching, it is an experience best avoided.


There is a reason why carp is an anagram of crap

As we were spending Christmas in Berlin we thought it would be a good idea to have a traditional German Christmas Eve meal of carp. A little research on the Information Super Highway led to a recipe of poached carp with a sour cream sauce.

The sauce was good, but the carp had a feathery appearance similar to tripe, and tasted of … well nothing much really. Possibly a very slight fishy taste with subtle undertones of estuary mud.

Preparation time: 0 minutes
Cooking time: Don’t bother
Skill level: Very easy
Make: Something else

Verdict: Perhaps carp is like turkey – something you traditionally only eat at Christmas and no other time of the year because it’s not actually that good.

Drink: Twas the night before christmas, so cava followed by plenty of good red wine.

Entertainment: The sound of people politely scraping unwanted carp to the sides of their plates.

Co-blogger coda: Carp is the second most disgusting thing I’ve ever eaten, the first most disgusting being veal cheek which I rather foolishly tried some years ago when in rural France. Like carp I’d been told it was a much loved traditional dish. Actually I did manage the whole cheek despite it having the texture and indeed look of wet grey sand. It was of course eaten mostly to prove I wasn’t a big wuss, but it was eaten with my nose blocked to avoid the taste. The texture of carp is like eating the gill side of a wet mushroom, all fanned out, with a hint of fish, but really I promise you, only a hint. Luckily I’d been up since 3.30 thanks to fog/BA so a few glasses of wine meant I really didn’t care about leaving most of it on my plate. Nice sauce though.


  1. My hairdresser says it is like eating a giant goldfish mixed up with dirt, and he tells me it is a Christmas tradition in Poland, the tradition arising from the fact that it was all peasants could afford, so why the hell are they still eating it on their fat plumbing salaries?

  2. Oh well, as my hairdresser always says ‘One man’s fish is another man’s poisson’

  3. Dear esteemed bloggers,

    I am writing to ask you to please kindly cease and desist the writing of such entertaining copy, as it is preventing me from getting on with any productive accomplishments.

    Kind regards,

  4. Hi Maggie
    I know how you feel… do you have any idea how much time we waste writing this thing?

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