Although I’ve made pesto many times before, I’ve generally haphazardly chucked the ingredients into the food processor and left it to chance. Despite the results usually being good, I thought it was about time I consulted the mama of authentic Italian home cooking, Marcella Hazan and see if she had an angle on this classic sauce. And indeed she did … double cheeses and butter.

Preparation time: 5 minutes
Cooking time: none
Skill level: easy
Serves: 2
Recipe: ‘The Essentials of Classic Italian Cooking’ by Marcella Hazan

Ingredients

• basil leaves – 50g
• 1 clove of garlic – finely chopped
• pine nuts – 1½ tbsp
• extra virgin olive oil – 4 tbsp
• butter – softened to room temperature – 25g
• parmigiano reggiano – finely grated – 25g
• romano cheese – finely grated – 1tbsp
• coarse sea salt

Quickly soak the basil leaves in water and gently (but thoroughly) pat them dry with kitchen towel.

Put the basil, oil, pine nuts and a good pinch of salt into the food processor and process to a smooth creamy consistency. (If wanted, the pesto can be frozen at this stage.)

Incidentally, have you seen the price of pine nuts these days? They’ve always been costly but struth, pound for pound they are now worth more that life itself.

Transfer to a bowl and thoroughly mix in the two grated cheeses.

Next mix in the softened butter.

Taste and season if necessary.

When serving with pasta, loosen with a spoon or two of the hot pasta water

Dogs can’t look up

Verdict: Once again another excellent recipe from Marcella Hazan – it’s almost as if she knows what she’s talking about – she ought to write a book. A perfect pesto with (unsurprisingly) a buttery finish.

Drink: A variety of 6 for £5 Polish beers.

Entertainment: ‘My Wrongs #8245-8249 And 117‘ on DVD. A very short film directed by Chris Morris about a troubled man referred to as ‘Him’, a talking Doberman called Rothko, a decapitated duck, a kidnapped baby and a Routemaster destined for ‘Shit Off’. 10 minutes of Chris Morris’ warped genius. Watch.

Preparation time: 15 minutes
Cooking time: 45 minutes
Skill level: easy
Makes: 1 cake
Recipe: Nigel Slater

Ingredients

For the cake:

• butter – 200g
• caster sugar – 200g
• plain flour – 100g
• baking powder – ½ tsp
• ground almonds – 100g
• 4 large free-range eggs
• 1 lemon
• thyme leaves – 1 tsp

For the topping:

• sugar – 4 tbsp
• 2 large lemons
• thyme leaves – ½ tsp

Start by lining a 19cm x 9cm loaf tin with baking parchment

Preheat the oven to 170C (gas mark 3).

Cream together the butter and the sugar until pale and soft.

Sift together the flour and baking powder, and mix with the almonds. Lightly beat the eggs, then fold them into the mixture in 2 or 3 goes, beating them in thoroughly each time.

Grate the zest from the lemon and pound together with the thyme leaves. Add to the cake mixture with the flour, baking powder and almonds.

Spoon into the lined cake tin and bake for 45 minutes.

While the cake bakes, dissolve the sugar in the juice of the lemons over a moderate heat and stir in the thyme leaves (including a few flowers if you can). As soon as the cake is out of the oven, spike the surface with a skewer and spoon over the syrup. Leave to cool.

Verdict: It is moistness itself. Dense moist lemon with a twist of thyme.

Drink: Tea in finest bone china.

Entertainment: Granny playing with YJ.

If you had any doubts about the half-arsed nature of Dandruff Dave’s BIG SOCIETY, visit the official website.

Preparation time: 10 – 15 minutes
Cooking time: 25 – 35 minutes
Skill level: easy
Faff level: 3/10
Serves: 2

Ingredients

• 1 red pepper – cored and cut into 1cm strips
• 1 yellow pepper – cored and cut into 1cm strips
• 1 large onion – thinly sliced
• 3 ripe tomatoes – roughly chopped
• muscovado sugar – 2 tsp
• 1 chilli – finely chopped
• 2 bay leaves
• 3 sprigs thyme – stripped and chopped
• parsley – chopped – 1 tbsp
• coriander – chopped – 1 tbsp (plus more to scatter at the end)
• cumin – ¼ tsp
• saffron strands – ¼ tsp
• smoked paprika – ¼ tsp
• 4 free-range eggs
• olive oil
• water – up to 125ml
• s & p

First find a large deep frying pan or saucepan.

Add a good slug of oil and sauté the onion for two minutes.

Next add the peppers, chilli, sugar, bay leaves, thyme, parsley and coriander, and cook over a high heat for a couple of minutes until the peppers start to soften and intensify in colour.

Add the tomatoes, saffron, paprika, cumin, salt and pepper and cook on low heat for 15 minutes. Stir frequently and add enough water to keep everything loose and moist.

Taste, season, taste, season, etc.

This dish is going to be served in individual pans straight from the hob*, so you need find 2 small frying pans and divide this mixture between each.

Break 2 eggs into each pan (it helps to make indentations in the sauce with the back of a spoon), season, cover and cook over a very low heat for 5 – 10 minutes or until the egg whites have set but the yolk is still soft.

Sprinkle with more coriander and serve up with a few chunks of good bread.

* Obviously you don’t have to do this, you could stick to the one pan and serve up on plates.

Verdict: A sweet gently spiced dish which makes a great weekend brunch treat. The flavourings are only a guide, so experiment with different herbs and spices (riffing around a Middle Eastern theme).

Drink: A strong heavily sugared k4e.

Entertainment: Now that I’ve discovered Yumblog Junior finds my dancing hilarious, the entertainment possibilities are endless.

Preparation time: 5 minutes
Cooking time: 15 minutes
Skill level: easy
Makes: quite a few, depends how big you like your flapjack

Ingredients

• rolled oats – 250g
• butter – 50g
• brown sugar – 75g
• golden syrup – two large spoonfuls
• raspberries – 50g – mashed
• pinch o’ salt

Preheat oven to 22oC/gas mark 7. Grease a baking tin, depending on how thick you like your ‘jack, 24cm diameter should do it.

Mash the raspberries and set aside. Melt the butter in a medium-sized saucepan. Add the sugar to the butter and heat until dissolved. Add the salt and golden syrup to the mix. Finally stir in the oats until well coated with the buttery sugar. (If you would prefer chocolatey flapjacks then break 100g of plain chocolate into 1cm chunks and add to the oat mix with a quick stir so the chocolate is distributed through but not too melted. Omit the raspberry element of the next stage, unless you want chocolate and raspberry flapjack, hmm…)

Put half the oat mixture into the baking tin. Spread the raspberry mash over the oats and then put the remaining oat mix on top.

Bake for 15 to 20 minutes, until golden, before the tell-tale burn marks appear round the edges.

Remove from oven and leave to cool, the flapjack will crisp up once removed from oven.

Devour.

Verdict: Tasty oaty morsels with a raspberry treat in the middle. Extremely moreish. They do not last long, no matter how many you make.

Drink: A nice cup of tea.

Entertainment: Trying to persuade the nipper that she wants to lie in her jungle gym while I stuff my face.

Preparation time: 10 – 20 minutes
Cooking time: 2 hours
Skill level: easy
Makes: 30
Recipe: Dan Lepard

Ingredients

• dark chocolate – 200g
• the whites from 4 medium eggs
• caster sugar – 175g
• honey – 50g
• icing sugar – sifted – 100g
• flaked almonds (optional)

Start by pre-heating the oven to 140C/gas mark 1 and cover a baking tray with nonstick baking paper.

Melt the chocolate in a bain-marie and set to one side.

Put the egg whites in a large bowl and beat until stiff.

Add the sugar a third at a time and whisk on a high speed until smooth, glossy and very thick – the meringue mix should hold its shape.

Beat in the honey until just combined and then gently fold in the icing sugar.

Next gently fold in the chocolate without fully amalgamating it so you keep some streakiness.

Place small spoonfuls on the prepared tray (the meringues will go flat if too big)

Scatter with almonds (optional) and bake for about two hours.

Verdict: We served with a Greek yoghurt which was a nice sour note to offset the sweetness, very tasty and high fives all round (there was an American in the room).

Drink: A chilled dry red which went very well with the chocolate, again the dryness was a fine sweetness offsetter.

Entertainment: Endless gazing at our respective infants, ours naturally being the most perfect, beautiful, etc.

Preparation time: 15 minutes plus chilling time
Cooking time: 10 minutes
Skill level: so easy a child could do it
Makes: 30ish
Recipe: Jme

Ingredients

• butter – 140g
• caster sugar – 140g
• 2 egg yolks
• self-raising flour – 255g
• cocoa powder – 30g
• 30 squares of good quality chocolate (milk, white or plain)

Hi guys, for this recipe you’ll need two circular pastry cutters about 4cm and 5cm in diameter (or a pair of compasses, knife and steady hand)

Grease a large baking sheet.

Cream the butter and sugar together until creamed.

Beat in the egg yolks and then add the flour and cocoa powder to make a dough.

Turn out and knead and then put it into the fridge for a while to chill.

Preheat the oven to 190ºC/gas 5.

On a lightly floured surface, roll out about a third of the dough until thin, then cut out about 30 circles with the smaller cutter.

Spread them out on the baking sheet and put a square of chocolate in the middle of each one.

Then roll out the rest of the dough and cut out an equal number of circles with the larger cutter.

Lay over the top of the chocolate and press gently around the edge to seal and form your biscuit.

Cook in the preheated oven for 10 minutes

Eat them hot or cold.

Verdict: We filled ours with and an 85% cocoa plain chocolate, so the end result was a light crisp sweet biscuit with a dark moody sophisticated heart. Yum.

Drink: Best with a nice cup of tea.

Entertainment: Pretending that an eight-week old child had assisted in the preparation of the biscuits by sitting her in the kitchen and talking her through the process – Yumblog Junior will have to learn sometime and I’m sure she’ll have some residual memory of the food preparation we’ve been talking her through.

If your griddled halloumi doesn’t adhere to these rules, throw it away and start again.

Preparation time: 10 minutes
Cooking time: 25 minutes
Skill level: easy
Serves: 2

Ingredients

• 2 aubergines – cut into 2cm cubes
• extra virgin olive oil – 3 tbsp
• 410g can of chick peas – rinsed and drained (or soak and cook dried chick peas)
• 1 lemon – peel and pith removed – roughly chopped
• 1 clove of garlic – crushed
• tahini – 1 tbsp
• fresh mint – a generous handful – shredded
• halloumi – 250g pack – cut into 8 slices
• rocket – 100g

Mix together the aubergine cubes and olive oil, season and place in a large non-stick frying pan.

Cook over a medium heat for 15 – 25 minutes or until the aubergine is soft and light brown.

Set aside to cool.

Meanwhile put the chick peas in a large bowl and gently crush with a potato masher.

Add the lemon (including juice), tahini, garlic, mint, seasoning and mix together.

Add the cooled cooked aubergine and combine all the ingredients.

Next place a griddle over a medium heat and dry fry the halloumi for a minute or two on each side. (If it doesn’t look like the diagram, throw away and start again)

To serve, place some rocket on the plate, spoon over the aubergine salad and top with the halloumi. Garnish with a few mint leaves.

Verdict: A quick, easy, tasty and healthy midweek meal which could become a regular on the menu here at Yumblog Towers… be generous with the mint.

Drink: A bottle of red.

Entertainment: ‘Celebrity Masterchef’, week 2. Mark Little is charming. Danielle ‘I shag footballers for a living‘ Lloyd isn’t.

Don’t be fooled by that innocent face.

Preparation time: 10 minutes
Cooking time: 30 minutes
Skill level: easy
Serves: 2

Ingredients

• Paccheri – 200g
• 1 red pepper – seeds removed – thickly sliced
• 1 yellow pepper – seeds removed – thickly sliced
• Kalamata olives – pitted and crushed – 40g
• 2 cloves of garlic – crushed
• fresh marjoram or oregano leaves – 1tbsp
• capers – 1tbsp
• red wine vinegar – 1½ tbsp
• olive oil – 50ml
• s&p
• plus shaved Parmesan to serve

Preheat oven to as hot as it will go.

Put the peppers, olives, oil, garlic, marjoram/oregano, capers and vinegar in a roasting pan, toss to combine and season to taste.

Roast, stirring occasionally, until the peppers are tender and starting to caramelise (20-25 minutes).

Meanwhile, cook pasta in a large saucepan of boiling water until al dente (10-12 minutes).

Drain and add to the pepper mixture. Combine everything together.

Serve immediately with shavings of Parmesan.

Verdict: A delicious sweet and piquant sauce which perfectly compliments this particular brand of pasta. There is something about Paccheri which sets it above other pasta shapes… I suspect it would be tasty even if served topped with a steaming coil of doggy doo… however, that’s a theory I’ve yet put to the test, so until then best stick to the roasted peppers.

Drink: Micro bottles of (sp)Asda* French beer

Entertainment: Celebrity MasterChef. Imagine our delight when Gregg said he loved “the BIG flavours of Dick“.

* Sorry, but (sp)Asda were doing a special on Pampers – it seems our anti-Walmart principles are as throw-away as the disposable nappies we now shamefully use.

Holding image: Photographs still being processed at Snappy Snaps

Preparation time: 5 minutes
Cooking time: 1 hour (ish)
Skill level: easy
Serves: 2

Ingredients*

• floury potatoes (we used Cyprus) – peeled and cut into quarters – about 500g
• 2 garlic cloves
• milk – 80ml
• butter – roughly chopped – 50g
• Cantal cheese* – coarsely grated – 200g
• sea salt and white pepper

* You can buy this at the Waitrose cheese counter

Yes, that much cheese for those few potatoes.

Place the potatoes and garlic in a large saucepan, cover with cold salted water and cook over a medium heat for 35 – 45 minutes or until tender.

Drain and return to the saucepan to steam dry for 1-2 minutes.

Meanwhile, put the milk and butter into a small saucepan and gently heat below a simmer for 3-4 minutes. Set aside but keep warm.

When cooked, pass the potatoes and garlic through a ricer or mouli into a clean saucepan.

Slowly add the milk/butter mixture – stirring continuously until smooth.

Return to low heat and add cheese a little at a time, stirring continuously until mixture is smooth and elastic (10-15 minutes).

Serve hot (traditionally with sausages or roast meat)

Verdict: Struth, this is a rich, smooth, glutinous cheesy delight. Less of a cheesy mash and more of a cheese sauce with a bit of potato in it. Make this once, don’t skimp on the ingredients and indulge yourself.

Drink: Some Interflora ales followed by a bottle of red.

Entertainment: ‘Surrogates’ on DVD. Bruce Willis stars in what could have been a great sci-fi film but ended up as just an enjoyable distraction.