Preparation time: 20 minutes
Cooking time: 2-3 hours
Recipe: inspired by/loosely based on Casilda Grigg
Makes: a few jars
Skill level: easy

Ingredients

• grapefruit – 1 - washed
• oranges – 3 – washed
• lemons – 2 – washed
• cold water – enough to cover the cut fruit in a big pan
• caster sugar – 500g

Halve/quarter the fruit and place in a pan. Cover with water. Bring to a boil and then simmer for a couple of hours. Top up with water as necessary. The fruit is cooked when the skin squashes easily.

Drain, taking care to keep all of the liquid. Once cooled remove all the flesh and pips and bits from the various fruits, discard.

Slice the citrus peels to the width and length that you would like to appear on your breakfast toast.

Now take your reserved liquid and boil it down to around 600ml. Once this is done add the peels and the sugar to the pan.

Boil until the mixture reaches a temperature of 104 C. At this point you should start testing to see if it’s ready. Dollop a teaspoonful on a cold plate and place in the fridge for 5 minutes. Retrieve from the fridge and see if the surface has formed a wrinkly skin. If no then continue cooking for another 5 minutes and repeat the test until you have a wrinkly mixture. Once this is achieved, decant your marmalade into sterilised jars and seal.

Some citri.

A Creuset of citruses.

The final push to the top chaps.

Verdict: Rather good combo of sharpnesses in one marmalade.

Drink: Tea, for it is breakfast.

Entertainment: The Sausage Sandwich Game on Danny Baker’s 5Live Saturday morning programme. Will it be red sauce, will it be brown sauce or will it be no sauce at all?

Preparation time: 15 minutes
Cooking time: 60 minutes
Recipe: variation on a Dan Lepard
Skill level: easy

Ingredients

• rhubarb – 400g
• unsalted butter – 50g
• caster sugar – 75g
• juice of ½ lemon
• dark muscovado sugar – 100g
• black treacle - 50g
• honey – 150g
• ground ginger – 5 tsp
• sour cream – 150g
• 1 medium egg
• wholemeal flour – 200g
• ½ tsp bicarbonate of soda

Preheat your oven to 180C/gas mark 4

Line a 20cm round springform cake tin with a single sheet of buttered foil, pressed carefully into the base and up the sides.

Cut the rhubarb into 3-4cm pieces and lay in tight rows across the base of the tin. Sprinkle with the caster sugar and lemon juice.

Put the muscovado in a saucepan with the treacle, honey and ginger, and bring to a boil.

Remove from the heat and pour into a mixing bowl with the butter and sour cream. Stir to combine.

Beat in the egg and then stir in the flour and bicarb.

Bake in the oven for about an hour.

Leave to cool a little before upturning carefully and lifting off the foil.

Verdict: Sweet, tart and gingery. A dollop of cream or a cascade of custard and suddenly it’s pudding.

Drink: Equally good with a mug of tea or a glass of wine.

Entertainment: Point Blank

We decide to get away
And have some fun
Book a room and catch a flight
For two weeks in the sun
She says, “Hawaii’s too expensive.”
I say, “Barbados isn’t bad.”
She says, “I’d love to see Yorkshire”
And I say, “Woman, are you mad!”

Rhubarb Triangle
It makes whippets disappear
Rhubarb Triangle
Don’t go too near
But she doesn’t see my angle
And she thinks I’m being dumb
So Rhubarb Triangle
Here we come!

(That’s enough – Ed)

Yumblog Junior has her first taste of lemon cake

For some reason something went awry with the quantities and we ended up with a considerable amount of the filling left over after we had made our pithiviers, hence this potted version.

Preparation time: 15 minutes
Cooking time: 30 – 35 minutes
Recipe: Simon Hopkinson
Serves: 8
Skill level: easy to medium

Ingredients

For the crème patissière

• milk – 250ml
• caster sugar – 75g
• 3 (free range) egg yolks
• plain flour – 25g
• 1 vanilla pod – cut lengthways

For the chocolatey bit

• unsalted butter – softened – 110g
• caster sugar – 110g
• 2 (small) eggs
• ground almonds – 110g
• cocoa powder – 50g
• plain chocolate – finely chopped – 110g
• dark rum – ½tbsp

First make the crème patissière:

Pour the milk into a saucepan along with the vanilla pod and gently heat to boiling point.

Whisk together the eggs yolks, sugar and flour.

Pour the hot milk over the egg mixture and whisk lightly together.

Return to the heat and cook gently until it thickens.

Pour through a sieve, ditch the vanilla pod and chill.

Next for the chocolatey bit:

Cream the butter and sugar together until light and fluffy.

Add the eggs and beat together.

Next add the ground almonds and cocoa powder and beat together.

Now add the rum, crème patissière and chopped chocolate and fold everything together.

(if at this stage you want to make pithiviers, you’ll need to chill the mixture and find yourself a recipe for the pastry)

Spoon into ramekins and chill until ready to cook.

Preheat the oven to 190c/gas mark 5.

Bake in the oven for 20-25 minutes or until they look cooked (use your instincts)

Serve.

Verdict: As you would expect from Simon Hopkinson, this was delicious and VERY rich. The almond and chocolate give a pleasing texture.

Drink: Beer, Cava, red, white, vodka and hot chocolate.

Entertainment: Browsing through ‘The International Male Magazine’ and ‘All-Rubber Slimming Wear’.

> View the whole filthy set

> View the whole filthy set

Preparation time: 5 – 10 minutes
Cooking time: 30 minutes
Skill level: easy
Makes: 6 – 8

Ingredients

• plain flour – 100g
• baking powder – 1tsp
• caster sugar – 1tsp
• 2 free-range eggs – beaten
• milk – 75ml
• sweetcorn kernels (frozen/tinned or ideally fresh) – 350g
• ½ medium red onion – finely chopped
• 1 chilli – finely chopped
• fresh parsley – finely chopped – 2tbsp
• s & p
• a little olive oil for cooking

In a bowl mix together the flour, baking powder and sugar along with some salt and freshly ground black pepper.

In a jug mix together the milk and eggs.

Gradually stir the milk/eggs into the flour mixture to form a batter.

In another bowl mix together the sweetcorn, onion, parsley and chilli and season well.

Add this to the batter and stir everything together.

Heat a little oil in a non-stick frying pan and drop in about 3/4 ladle of the mix. Flatten down a little with spatula and cook for a minute or two until nicely browned on the bottom.

Turn over and cook on the other side.

Flip out onto some kitchen paper and keep warm. Repeat until you have used up all the batter – we ended up with an uneven seven.

Serve with whatever takes your fancy.

Verdict: Sweet and succulent with a hint of chilli heat. Experiment with different flavourings and extras.

Drink: Peroni and some left over white.

Entertainment: We’re back on the streets with Homicide.

Snow comes to Yumblog Cottage

Our constructed Colcannon soup can be found here.

Preparation time: 5-10 minutes
Cooking time: about 30 minutes
Skill level: so easy you should NEVER buy commercially made soup*
Serves: 2

Ingredients

For the soup part

• potato – peeled and diced – 450g
• onion – finely chopped – 120g
• butter – 50g
• vegetable stock – 1 litre
• full fat milk – 100ml
• fresh parsley – finely chopped – 1-2tbsp
• s & p

For the cabbage part

• cabbage (white or savoy) – 450g
• butter – 40g
• s & p

To make the soup, melt the butter in a large heavy pan, then add the potato and onion. Stir to coat everything in butter and season with salt and pepper.

Cover and sweat over a low heat for 5 minutes.

Add the stock, turn up the heat and simmer for 10-15 minutes until the potato is soft.

Liquidise with a hand blender and return to the heat.

Add the parsley and milk and season to taste – be generous with the pepper.

Meanwhile shred the cabbage very thinly – removing outer leaves and stalk.

Pour 3 tbsp of water into a large saucepan and add half the butter (20g) and a pinch of salt.

Put on the heat and when the butter has melted add the cabbage and toss everything together.

Cover with a lid and cook for a few minutes until the cabbage has softened but still has a little bite.

Add the remaining butter and season with salt and pepper.

To serve, pile the cabbage in the centre of a soup bowl and pour the soup around.

Verdict: This deconstructed version ensures the cabbage still has a bit if bite. Warming, comforting and as Gregg Wallace might well say ‘Like a big buttery smack on the lips’.

Drink: A mug of no nonsense Yorkshire Gold. ‘Let’s have a proper brew’

Entertainment: The ever brilliant Radcliffe and Maconie.

*The exception being Heinz tomato soup when poorly or hungover.

Supermarket snobbery aside, I’ve never used fresh yeast before so I did an AW-T, slipped a packet up my chef whites and made a run for it.

Preparation time: 15 minutes plus at least an hour rising time
Cooking time: 30-35 minutes
Skill level: easy
Makes: 2 loaves (if you’re going to the effort of making your own bread, there’s little point in making just one loaf. Freeze the bonus loaf if need be)

Ingredients

• seed & grain white flour (Allinson’s) – 1kg
• fresh yeast – 42g
• sugar – 2tsp
• salt – 3tsp
• vegetable oil – 30ml
• warm water (1 part boiling to 2 parts cold) – 600ml

Fresh yeast is not as potent and dried yeast, so you’ll need three times the amount. Therefore if a recipe requires 2tsp of dried yeast (1tsp = 5g), you’ll be needing 30g of fresh yeast.

In a large bowl mix together the flour, salt and sugar.

Crumble the fresh yeast into the warm water and stir to dissolve.

Pour onto the flour and mix together to form a rough dough.

Add the oil and knead into the dough.

Turn out onto a floured surface and knead for 10 minutes until smooth and elastic.

Divide into two and shape into round loaves and place on oiled baking sheets.

Cover with oiled clingfilm, and set aside until it has doubled in size. (This should take about an hour, although if your house is as cold as Yumblog Cottage it could take considerably longer. We often leave ours overnight.)

Preheat your oven to 230°C/Gas Mark 8

Bake in the oven for 15 minutes, then reduce the temperature to 200°C/Gas Mark 6 and bake for a further 15-20 minutes until golden brown and hollow sounding when tapped on the bottom.

Leave to cool on a wire rack.

Verdict: A good all rounder which is great either each end of a sandwich or toasted and heavily buttered. The was no noticeable difference between this loaf and one made with dried yeast … it did seem to rise a little faster though.

Drink: T or K4e

Entertainment: Watching with equal parts alarm and ammusement as Yumblog Junior gets ever more independent and bossy.

Incidentally welcome to 2012 – the year which in the future we will look back on as marking the beginning of the end. Quietus anyone?

Preparation time: 5 – 10 minutes
Cooking time: about an hour
Skill level: easy
Serves: 4 – 6

Ingredients

• waxy potatoes – thinly sliced – 1kg
• 1 large onion – thinly sliced
• 1 clove of garlic – crushed
• fresh thyme – 10g
• double cream – 250ml
• semi-skimmed milk – 320ml
• mature Brie – 250g
• olive oil
• s & p

*OK so this uses the wrong cheese and doesn’t contain any lardons so purists and pedants will probably insist this is not a true tartiflette.

Preheat your oven to 180c/gas mark 4.

Gently fry the onion in some olive until soft and beginning to colour. Set aside.

Strip the leaves from the thyme sprigs and finely chop.

Put the cream, milk, garlic and thyme in a large saucepan and bring to a simmer.

Add the sliced potato, cover with a lid and cook for 5 minutes.

Stir in the cooked onions and season with salt and black pepper.

Butter a suitably sized ovenproof dish.

Chop the Brie into slices.

Place half the potato mixture into the prepared dish and sprinkle over half the cheese.

Repeat, finishing with a layer of cheese.

(At this stage the dish can be set aside and cooked at a later time.)

Bake in the oven for 40-45 minutes until bubbling with a golden crusty top and tender when stabbed with a knife.

Serve as a side or main with a healthy salad.

Verdict: Potato and melted cheese works, this is a fact and this is another excellent example of the genre. Creamy smooth rich filling comfort food.

Drink: Red – we are still bravely drinking our way through our substantial Christmas stash of booze.

Entertainment: The third and final episode of ‘Black Mirror’ followed by Old Jews Telling Jokes.

Happy New Year – You decide when.

Preparation time: 1 minute
Cooking time: 3 minutes
Skill level: easier than making a cup of tea.

Ingredients

• Kirsch – 100ml
• juice of 2 lemons
• finest Yorkshire tap water – 500ml
• honey – 2 tsp

Put water, lemon juice and honey in a saucepan and bring to the boil.

Add the Kirsch and keep on a low heat until ready to serve.

Serve.

Verdict: Boozy Lemsip.

Food: Accompanied by baked polenta and roasted vegetables.

Entertainment:‘MasterChef – The Pros’. The final. Congratulations to Ash.

Preparation time: 1 minute
Cooking time: 10 minutes
Skill level: slightly more skill required than for making Glogg, because you have to peel a satsuma.

Ingredients

• Pimms – 250ml
• Brandy – 100ml
• apple juice – 500ml
• ground ginger – 2 tsp
• 1 satsuma – segmented
• dried apple slices – handful

Put all the ingredients in a saucepan and simmer gently for 10 minutes.

Pour.

Drink.

Verdict: A nice boozy gingery warming drink. Like a hug in a mug. But not like cup-a-soup.

Food: Accompanied a very tasty gravalax…recipe to follow.

Entertainment: The penultimate episode of ‘MasterChef – The Pros’. Ash is the obvious winner.

Preparation time: 1 minute
Cooking time: 5 minutes plus 15 minutes infusion time
Skill level: If you can manage to open a bottle of wine, you can make glogg

Ingredients

• 1 bottle of sub £5.00 red plonk – 750ml
• 6 cloves
• fresh ginger – sliced – 70g
• 10 cardamon pods – halved
• caster sugar – 85g
• dried apple slices* – handful
• 2 cinnamon sticks (very much optional at Yumblog Cottage)
• brandy – 40ml
• plus some flaked almonds and raisins to serve

Pour the wine into a saucepan and add all the other ingredients (apart from the brandy).

Heat and simmer gently for 5 minutes.

Turn off the heat, cover and allow to infuse for 15 minutes.

Add the brandy and serve with a few flaked almonds and raisins in the glass

Verdict: An excellent (and more potent) alternative to mulled wine. Ours didn’t taste much of cardamon, but that could have been because our pods were bought sometime in the last millennium.

Food: We had ours as a precursor to Raclette.

Entertainment: An accidental second viewing of ‘Surrogates’ on DVD. We spent the first hour trying to decide whether it’s familiarity was due to a previous viewing or the cliché-ridden storyline. Turned out to be both.

* Completely optional – we happened to have recently bought an unexpectedly expensive packet of the stuff at a Berlin Christmas market and wanted to use some before it got as old and stale as the cardamon pods. That said, once re-hydrated in booze, these apple slices made a very agreeable nibble.

Unpleasant food photograph of the week: ‘Snowflake Cake (with pubic hair decoration)’, GoodFood, 101 Christmas Dishes.