Preparation time: 5 – 10 minutes
Cooking time: 30 minutes
Skill level: easy
Makes: 6 – 8

Ingredients

• plain flour – 100g
• baking powder – 1tsp
• caster sugar – 1tsp
• 2 free-range eggs – beaten
• milk – 75ml
• sweetcorn kernels (frozen/tinned or ideally fresh) – 350g
• ½ medium red onion – finely chopped
• 1 chilli – finely chopped
• fresh parsley – finely chopped – 2tbsp
• s & p
• a little olive oil for cooking

In a bowl mix together the flour, baking powder and sugar along with some salt and freshly ground black pepper.

In a jug mix together the milk and eggs.

Gradually stir the milk/eggs into the flour mixture to form a batter.

In another bowl mix together the sweetcorn, onion, parsley and chilli and season well.

Add this to the batter and stir everything together.

Heat a little oil in a non-stick frying pan and drop in about 3/4 ladle of the mix. Flatten down a little with spatula and cook for a minute or two until nicely browned on the bottom.

Turn over and cook on the other side.

Flip out onto some kitchen paper and keep warm. Repeat until you have used up all the batter – we ended up with an uneven seven.

Serve with whatever takes your fancy.

Verdict: Sweet and succulent with a hint of chilli heat. Experiment with different flavourings and extras.

Drink: Peroni and some left over white.

Entertainment: We’re back on the streets with Homicide.

Snow comes to Yumblog Cottage

Preparation time: 10 minutes plus 30 minutes soaking
Cooking time: 35 minutes
Skill level: easy
Serves: 2

Ingredients

• mushrooms (we used portabello from our bargain box) – roughly chopped – 800g
• dried porcini – reconstituted (retain the soaking water) – small handful
• 2 large shallots (or 1 posh onion) – finely chopped
• 2 cloves of garlic – finely chopped
• butter – 50g
• vegetable stock – 800ml
• milk – 400ml
• olive oil
• s and p
• double cream, crème fraiche or yoghurt – to serve
• juice and zest of half a lemon – to serve

Start by soaking your porcini in just warm water for at least 30 minutes. Strain the soaking water through a sieve lined with kitchen paper and set aside. Roughly chop the porcini and also set aside.

In a large heavy-bottomed pan, sweat the shallots (or onion) and garlic in the butter until soft (but not coloured).

Add the chopped mushrooms and continue to sweat down until they are soft.

Add the porcini, soaking water, stock and milk and simmer uncovered for about 20 minutes.

Here at Yumblog we pride ourselves on offering you, dear reader, choice. So at this stage you have three options depending on your fancy. You can either liquidise half the soup and return it to the pan for a rough texture, liquidise all of the soup for a smoother texture, or liquidise all the soup and then pass through a sieve for a texture smoother than Smooth Jack McSmooth lounging in a velvet smoking jacket.

Which ever you choose, return the soup to the pan, bring back up to heat, taste and season with salt and black pepper.

Finally, mix together the lemon juice and zest with a sprinkling of salt and a twist of pepper.

Serve the soup with a blob of cream (or crème fraiche or yoghurt) and a splash of the lemon mixture.

Verdict: This, like most mushroom-heavy recipes, is necessarily brown and therefore not particularly pretty, and so is probably a dish to cook for yourself rather than serve up to guests (or Michelle Roux Jr) as the centre-piece of a swanky dinner party. However, don’t be put off by its tawny appearance, as this is a very tasty soup indeed.

Drink: A strong mug of lunchtime tea. It must be something to do with the water but tea definitely brews stronger up north.

Entertainment: Watching the constant parade of dogs (and their walkers) outside our window.

* Damp was his profession, not his demeanour.

Preparation time: 10 minutes
Cooking time: 35 minutes
Skill level: easy
Serves: 2

Ingredients

• 1 head of celery – chopped – about 700g (keep any leaves for a garnish)
• 1 largish onion – finely chopped
• 1 clove of garlic – finely chopped
• a small bunch of parsley – finely chopped
• vegetable stock – 1 litre
• single cream – 100ml (you can also use crème fraiche or full-fat milk)
• olive oil
• nutmeg – a good pinch
• s and p

Pour some oil into a large heavy-bottomed saucepan and add the celery, onion and garlic.

Sweat over a gentle heat for about 15 minutes until the vegetables are soft but not coloured.

Add the stock, parsley and nutmeg along with a generous twist of black pepper.

Simmer for about 15 minutes.

Pour into a liquidiser and blitz until smooth.

Pass though a sieve back into the saucepan. Use the back of a ladle to squash as much liquid (and flavour) out of the fibre.

Pour in the cream and bring back to temperature.

Serve with an extra drizzle of cream and a sprinkling of chopped celery leaves.

Verdict: Celery is usually just a secondary player in many soups, so it’s nice to put it front of stage for once… and it doesn’t disappoint. In fact it shines… a clean, smooth, surprisingly sophisticated soup.

Drink: N/A at lunchtime.

Entertainment: Radcliffe and Maconie

Preparation time: 5 minutes plus 20 minutes set aside
Cooking time: 20 – 30 minutes
Skill level: easy
Serves: 2 (we ended up with 7 rostis)

Ingredients

• waxy potatoes – 500g
• 2 spring onions – finely chopped
• parsley – finely chopped – 2 tbsp
• 1 free range egg – beaten
• plain flour – ½ tbsp
• 1 small goat’s cheese
• olive oil
• s and p

Peel and grate the potatoes.

Place in a bowl and season with salt and pepper.

Mix together the egg, flour, onion and parsley, add to the potato mixture and set aside for 20 minutes.

Pour a little oil into a large heavy-bottomed (and very non-stick) frying pan and place over a high heat.

Spoon 1 tbsp of the mixture into the frying pan and squash down with the back of a fish slice to form the pancake and remove some of the liquid. Repeat as many times as you have room in the frying pan – 3-4 probably.

Cook until dark golden on both sides (obviously you’ll need to flip them over).

Place on kitchen roll and repeat until you have used up all your mixture (you should have 6-8)

Preheat your grill to high.

Slice the goat’s cheese into discs and place on top of your pancakes/rostis.

Put under the grill for a few minutes until the cheese has melted.

Serve on a bed of leaves (and a dollop of Oxford Sauce).

… looking a bit like a vegan fried egg (which as you know, like all vegan recipes, is made from a mixture of straw and gluten-free despair)

Verdict: A most enjoyable Sunday brunch. Nice ‘flavour combinations – © Gregg Wallace 2011′ of earthy almost sweet potato with the acidity of the goat’s cheese. The rostis were more ‘stodgy and Teutonic’ than the ones we made a while back.

Drink: K4E with UHT.

Entertainment: Watching Yumblog Junior turn a simple meal into a scene from ‘Dawn of the Dead’.

…and by way of a diversion from riotous ‘hooded thuggery‘ and the long overdue collapse of capitalism, here are two diverting links: Diverting link #1, diverting link #2

Cover shot from this month’s ‘Allium Babes’ magazine

Preparation time: 1 minute
Cooking time: 1 hour
Skill level: easy
Serves: 2

Ingredients

• 1 elephant garlic
• extra virgin olive oil – splash

Preheat the oven to 200C (gas mark 6)

Remove most of the outer papery skin from the bulb.

Cut across the top of the bulb so that the individual cloves are just exposed inside their skin.

Place on some tin foil and drizzle with olive oil.

Seal up the foil and place in the oven for about an hour or until soft when prodded.

Allow to cool slightly before squeezing the garlic pulp out of the skin.

Spread on a decent toasted bread (or add to mashed potato/pasta sauces/etc.)

Verdict: Hmmm, our garlic was very green, so I assume it was of the wet variety and therefore not ideal for roasting. Whatever the reason, the result was very bitter and not particularly pleasant.

Drink: K4e with FFF’s full fat milk.

Entertainment: Trying to keep up the pretence of a relaxed Saturday morning brunch whilst simultaniously attempting to contain the shocking havoc caused by our ever more mobile offspring.

Hmmm, what can I destroy now.

Preparation time: 5 minutes
Cooking time: 40 minutes
Skill level: easy
Serves: 4

Ingredients

• Cyprus potatoes – 1kg
• fresh rosemary – 6 decent sized sprigs
• fresh sage – roughly chopped – a generous bunch
• olive oil – a gerenous slug
• s & p

Preheat oven to 200C/Gas mark 6.

Peel the potatoes and cut lengthways into wedges.

Combine all the ingredients in a roasting pan and season to taste.

Roast until golden (30-40 minutes).

Serve with whatever you like… we had ours as a side to a slightly disappointing tuna stuffed pepper dish.

Verdict: So good we had this 2 nights in a row. Remember to be generous with the herbs.

Drink: A few early beers at the excellent ‘Su Sazzagoni‘ followed by a bottle of red back home.

Entertainment: The freak zone.

Yumblog Junior settles down for an afternoon of people watching at Su Sazzagoni

Preparation time: 10 minutes
Cooking time: 20 minutes
Skill level: easy
Serves: 2 – 4

Ingredients

For the salad

• puy lentils – 200g
• 1 bay leaf
• ½ an onion – peeled
• 1 garlic clove – peeled and halved
• A generous bunch of parsley – leaves only – roughly chopped
• ½ red onion – very thinly sliced
• a soft cheese of your choice (we opted for an East Lee which we bought on a recent recce to Todmorden)

For the dressing

• capers – drained, rinsed and finely chopped – 1 tbsp
• olive oil – 3 tbsp
• cider vinegar – 2 tsp
• English mustard – 1 tsp
• caster sugar – 1 tsp
• s & p

Rinse the lentils and put in a pan along with the bay leaf, onion half and garlic.

Add enough cold water to cover by about 1cm.

Place on the hob and bring to the boil.

Reduce the heat and simmer until the lentils are just cooked but still have a little bite – about 20 minutes.

Drain, and dump the bay leaf, onion and garlic.

Meanwhile make the dressing by combining the chopped capers, olive oil, vinegar, mustard and sugar (easily done by shaking in a jam jar). Taste, and season if necessary.

Warm the cheese in a moderate oven/atop a radiator/on a sunny windowsill/etc.

Mix the warm lentils with the dressing and then lightly toss in the chopped parsley.

Cut the cheese into bite-size pieces and add to the salad along with the sliced red onion.

Give the seasoning one final check and serve.

* A Lancashire Butter Pie – 100% vegetarian (apart from the lard)

Verdict: A substantial, earthy and very tasty salad which has become a regular here at Yumblog Towers. Experiment with different cheeses such as halloumi or possibly even flaked fish.

Drink: A cheeky monday evening bottle of white.

Entertainment: Taking turns to contain a very much more mobile Yumblog Junior … and ‘Raymond Blanc’s Kitchen Secrets’ – the Pistou soup looked good.

Yumblog Junior peers over the top of her Containment Box ™

As well as the excellent fishmonger where we bought the salt cod for this recipe, the ‘village’ boasts a quality butcher, greengrocer, delicatessen, wine merchant and chippy, plus the usual array of gastros, watering holes and restaurants. On the downside it is almost entirely populated by Bugaboo pushing interlopers who radiate the complacent sense of entitlement common among those who consider their birthright to be a life of ease and privilege.

Where do you go when you feel out of place on both sides of the tracks?

Preparation time: 10 minutes plus 24 hours soaking
Cooking time: 10 minutes
Skill level: easy
Serves: 8 – 12 as part of a tapas

Ingredients

• salt cod – 500g
• 1 largish potato – 175g
• milk – 200ml
• extra virgin olive oil – 160ml
• 3 garlic cloves – finely chopped
• juice of a lemon
• black pepper

Soak the cod in cold water for 24 hours – with several changes of water.

Cut the potato into chunks and boil in water until cooked. Drain, mash and keep warm.

Meanwhile place the cod in a pan, cover with cold water, bring to a boil and then turn off the heat. Leave for five minutes and then remove the skin and bones.

Pour the milk into a small saucepan, add the garlic and warm through over a low heat.

At the same time warm through the olive oil.

Place the cod in a food processor and blitz until smooth. Gradually (and alternately) add the milk and oil to form a loose paste.

Add the mashed potato and quickly mix together – do not over-process or it will become like wallpaper paste.

Stir in the lemon juice.

Season with plenty of black pepper – you’ll probably not need to add any more salt.

Serve with slices of good quality baguette.

Verdict: The heavy use of olive oil makes this a very rich dish which is best eaten in moderation and as part of a wider selection of tapas. The flavour is quite unusual and distinct and possibly not to everyone’s taste.

Drink: Somehow we managed to stick with the beer and not open the bottle of red.

Entertainment: ‘Nil By Mouth’ on DVD. 82 varied and judicious uses of the ‘cunt’ word.

A quarter of the way into our sack of onions, time to try another soup…

Featuring as it does cider and Stilton,
this could probably be called an English Onion Soup.

Preparation time: 20 minutes
Cooking time: 1½ hours
Skill level: easy
Serves: 2 as a main, 4 as a starter/snack

Ingredients

• 5 medium sized onions – thinly sliced – about 800g
• butter – a very generous sized knob (snigger)
• vegetable stock – 900ml
• dry cider – 250ml
• plain flour – 1½ tbsp
• the chopped leaves from a few sprigs of thyme
• extra virgin olive oil – a glug
• double cream – 2 tbsp
• Stilton – 80g
• s & p

Heat some olive oil in a thick-bottomed pan and gently cook the onions and thyme for about 10 minutes until they are soft but not coloured (keep the pan covered with a lid but remember to stir from time to time).

Add the butter and flour and stir over a low heat for a minute or so.

Slowly pour in the cider and vegetable stock, stirring constantly.

Season with salt and pepper.

Bring to the boil and simmer for 1 hour.

Add the cream, check/adjust the seasoning,  and as soon as the soup is back to the boil it is ready to eat.

Cut/crumble the Stilton into small pieces.

To serve, pour into serving dishes and scatter with Stilton.

Verdict: A rich warming soup …. the astringency of the cheese complements the sweetness of the onions perfectly.

Drink: H2O and K4E.

Entertainment: Watching Yumblog Junior playing on her bouncy thing.

Incidentally, apologies to Gordon Ramsay for our childish reference to his facelift and hair transplant, it turns out both are due to his grizzled physiognomy (fizzog) being doused in petrol by a startled horse.

Preparation time: 15 minutes
Cooking time: 20 minutes
Skill level: easy
Serves: 2 for a light lunch, 4 for a starter

Ingredients

• frozen peas – defrosted – 200g
• fresh mint – 10g
• plain flour – 50g
• 1 egg
• natural yoghurt – 1 tbsp
• baking powder – ½ tsp
• crème fraîche – 150ml
• grated zest of 1 lemon (plus lemon slices to garnish)
• smoked salmon – cut into thin strips – 100g
• olive oil for frying
• s and p
• plus optional watercress to garnish

Put the peas and mint leaves in a food processor and pulse until roughly chopped.

Add the egg, yoghurt, flour and baking powder, season well and blend until everything is combined.

Pour a little oil in a large frying pan and place over a medium heat.

Place heaped tablespoons of the fritter mixture into the pan and flatten down with the back of spoon.

Cook for 2-3 minutes until the undersides are golden, then turn and cook on the other side for a further 2-3 minutes.

Keep warm in a low oven while you repeat with the remaining mixture. You should end up with 8 fritters.

Put the crème fraîche in a bowl, stir in the lemon zest and season with black pepper.

To serve place 1 fritter on the serving plate and top with a little of the crème fraîche and strips of smoked salmon (be generous). Top with another fritter and finish with more crème fraîche and smoked salmon.

Serve with a garnish of watercress, a twist of black pepper and a wedge of lemon.

Verdict: We had ours for dinner although this would make a perfect weekend brunch.

Drink: Lager and red wine (not necessarily in the same glass)

Entertainment: ‘The White Ribbon’ on DVD. Reading subtitles and amusing Yumblog Junior is a tricky combination to master.