Preparation time: 10-15 minutes plus 6 hours brining, 2 hours marinating and 4 weeks maturing
Cooking time: 45 minutes
Skill level: easy

Ingredients

• watermelon rind – 900g – roughly 2 small or 1 very large watermelon
• sea salt – 50g
• water – 900 ml
• granulated sugar – 450g
• white wine vinegar – 300ml
• 6 whole cloves
• ginger – small lump
• 10 juniper berries

Remove the green skin of the watermelon with a potato peeler.

Cut up your melon and remove the flesh (leave a very thin layer of the flesh on the rind).

Cut the rind into strips about 5 cm long and 5 mm thick.

Dissolve the salt in 600ml of water.

Put the rind into a bowl, pour over the brine, cover and set aside for 6 hours (or overnight).

Drain the rind and rinse under cold water.

Put the rind in a pan, cover with fresh water, bring to the boil and simmer gently for 10 – 15 minutes until just tender. Drain.

Put the sugar, vinegar and 300ml of water in a pan. Tie the spices in muslin and add to the pan.

Heat gently, stirring occasionally until the sugar has dissolved. Bring to the boil and simmer for 10 minutes.

Turn off the heat, add the rind, cover and leave to stand for 2 hours.

Slowly bring the mixture back to the boil, reduce the heat and simmer for 20 minutes or until the rind has become translucent.

Remove the spice bag.

Place the rind in hot sterilised jars and pour over the syrup.

Tap to remove any air bubbles, cover and seal.

Leave to mature for 4 weeks.

Verdict: Still waiting for the 4 weeks.

Drink: Over a month – frightening.

Entertainment: Possibly the second season of Battlestar Galactica. Is Admiral Barack Adama dead?

Incidently, follow this link to Jme’s shop, scroll down and watch one of the dullest videos ever made.

Preparation time: 10 minutes
Cooking time: 2 hours
Skill level: easy
Makes: 500ml

Ingredients

• ripe cherry tomatoes – halved – 500g
• 1 onion – chopped – about 300g
• red wine vinegar – 125ml
• balsamic vinegar – 125ml
• honey – 50ml
• brown sugar – 70g
• fresh ginger – grated – half tbsp
• cayenne pepper – half tbsp
• paprika – half tbsp
• dijon mustard – 1 tbsp
• oil – for cooking
• s & p

Heat the oil in a heavy-bottomed saucepan and cook the onions until soft and translucent but not browned.

Add the rest of the ingredients, bring to a boil, cover and simmer very gently for 2 hours.

Liquidise with a hand blender and pass through a sieve.

Bottle and store in the fridge.

Will keep for 2 weeks.

Verdict: A delicious, thick and spicy cross between Tomato Ketchup and Brown Sauce. Very good indeed.

Drink: T and K4e.

Entertainment: Adam and Joe on 6music.

Preparation time: 20-30 minutes
Cooking time: 2-3 hours
Skill level: easy

Ingredients

• fresh raw beetroot – 450g
• red wine vinegar – 175 ml
• 2 shallots
• peppercorns – ½ tsp
• fine sea salt – ½ tsp

Pre-heat your oven to gas mark 5 (190C)

Top and tail the beetroot, wipe away any soil with a damp cloth and wrap up together in foil. Place on a baking sheet and roast in the oven for 2-3 hours or until tender when stabbed with a skewer.

Peel when cool enough to handle and cut into thin slices.

Peel and thinly slice the shallots.

Pour the vinegar into a saucepan, add the peppercorns and salt and bring to a simmer.

Delia pays us a visit at Yumblog Towers

Layer the beetroot and shallots into a sterilised* (500 ml) jar and pour over the vinegar.

Seal immediately.

When cool, add a pretty label.

Delia’s Pickled Beetroot with Shallots will be ready to eat after 2 days.

* Wash the jar(s) in warm soapy water, rinse and place in a moderate oven for 5 minutes.

Verdict: The red wine vinegar gives this pickle a milder flavour than the shop-bought stuff. Very tasty indeed, Delia.

Drink: K4e with UHT milk and (French) sugar lumps.

Entertainment: Jon Holmes on 6Music. Two texts read out for Blogger-R, one for Blogger-D.

Preparation time: 20-30 minutes over 24 hours
Cooking time: 5 minutes
Skill level: easy

Ingredients

• pickling onions – 2kg (1.6kg pealed)
• malt vinegar – 750 ml
• pickling spiaces – peppercorns, coriander seeds, mustard seeds, star anise, bay leaves, fresh ginger
• fine seasalt – 500g
• water – 2 litres
• sugar

Start by pouring the water into a large pan, adding the salt and bringing up to a simmer. Stir until the salt has dissolved, remove from the heat and set aside to cool down to room temperature.

Meanwhile peel all the onions.

Place the onions in a large bowl, pour over the cooled brine, weigh down with a plate and set aside for 24 hours. This process will slightly soften the onions and draw out some of the excess water.

Pour the vinegar into a pan (not aluminium) and bring to the boil. Tie the spices in a piece of muslin and drop into the vinegar.

Simmer for 5 minutes (you may want to open the windows as the fumes given off are very acrid), turn off the heat, remove the spices and set aside to cool down to room temperature.

Personally I prefer to dilute the vinegar with water (about a third) as this gives a milder flavour – but it’s up to you.

The next day, sterilise some jars by washing them in hot soapy water, rinsing and placing in a moderate oven for 5 minutes. Leave to cool. This amount of onions will require about 3 large jars.

Pack the onions in the jars, add a few peppercorns, a bay leaf and an optional tsp of sugar and pour over the vinegar until the onions are fully covered.

Seal with lids and store for at least a week, but preferably a month.

Verdict: Crunchy and spicy like a good pickled onion should be.

Drink: Some interesting ales from around the world.

Entertainment: Several episodes from the excellent first series of ‘Dinnerladies’

See footnote before you make this!

Preparation time: 30 minutes
Cooking time: 30 minutes
Skill level: Easy

Ingredients

• malt vinegar – 700ml
• cider vinegar – 150ml
• cauliflower – 500g – broken into small florets
• 2 onions – chopped
• french or green beans – 100g – cut into 1 cm slices
• 1/2 cucumber – quartered lengthways and cut into 1 cm slices
• coriander seeds – 2tbsp
• english mustard powder – 3tbsp
• plain flour – 3tbsp
• turmeric – 1tbsp
• ground ginger – 2tsp
• sugar – 200g
• 2 garlic cloves – thinly sliced

Put the malt vinegar and coriander seeds into a large saucepan and bring to the boil. Add the cauliflower and onion and simmer for 5 minutes.

Meanwhile, combine the mustard, flour, turmeric and ginger in a small bowl and gradually whisk in the cider vinegar until smooth.

Add the remaining vegetables, sugar and garlic to the cauliflower pan and stir over the heat for 2 minutes until the sugar has dissolved. Drain over a large bowl to collect the vinegar.

Put the mustard mixure in the large saucepan and and bring to the boil. Slowly add the drained malt vinegar and simmer for 10-15 minutes to reduce. When thick enough to coat the back of a spoon, add the drained vegetables, stir and remove from the heat.

Spoon into sterilised jars and cover with plastic discs secured with elastic bands.

Verdict: Open the window when making this as it will fill the kitchen with the cloying smell of hot vinegar. As to what the pickle tastes like, I’m not sure as it takes a few weeks to mature. I’ll let you know when I get to taste it. Visually it lacks the high-visibility yellow fluorenscency of your shop-bought piccalilli.

Drink: An after work cup of tea.

Entertainment: The Archers. Ruth explains to Pip the process of breast augmentation.

Footnote: Ten weeks later. This morning I ran out of Branston midway through making some cheese and pickle sandwiches, so I finally opened up this piccalilli. Hmm, not quite sure I like it. It’s very ‘sharp’ and is a little overwhelmed by the coriander seeds. I’ll probably plow through it but wouldn’t make it again or recommend it to anyone.

Another footnote: On refection this is terrible – threw it away.