Preparation time: 10 minutes plus 30 minutes soaking
Cooking time: 35 minutes
Skill level: easy
Serves: 2

Ingredients

• mushrooms (we used portabello from our bargain box) – roughly chopped – 800g
• dried porcini – reconstituted (retain the soaking water) – small handful
• 2 large shallots (or 1 posh onion) – finely chopped
• 2 cloves of garlic – finely chopped
• butter – 50g
• vegetable stock – 800ml
• milk – 400ml
• olive oil
• s and p
• double cream, crème fraiche or yoghurt – to serve
• juice and zest of half a lemon – to serve

Start by soaking your porcini in just warm water for at least 30 minutes. Strain the soaking water through a sieve lined with kitchen paper and set aside. Roughly chop the porcini and also set aside.

In a large heavy-bottomed pan, sweat the shallots (or onion) and garlic in the butter until soft (but not coloured).

Add the chopped mushrooms and continue to sweat down until they are soft.

Add the porcini, soaking water, stock and milk and simmer uncovered for about 20 minutes.

Here at Yumblog we pride ourselves on offering you, dear reader, choice. So at this stage you have three options depending on your fancy. You can either liquidise half the soup and return it to the pan for a rough texture, liquidise all of the soup for a smoother texture, or liquidise all the soup and then pass through a sieve for a texture smoother than Smooth Jack McSmooth lounging in a velvet smoking jacket.

Which ever you choose, return the soup to the pan, bring back up to heat, taste and season with salt and black pepper.

Finally, mix together the lemon juice and zest with a sprinkling of salt and a twist of pepper.

Serve the soup with a blob of cream (or crème fraiche or yoghurt) and a splash of the lemon mixture.

Verdict: This, like most mushroom-heavy recipes, is necessarily brown and therefore not particularly pretty, and so is probably a dish to cook for yourself rather than serve up to guests (or Michelle Roux Jr) as the centre-piece of a swanky dinner party. However, don’t be put off by its tawny appearance, as this is a very tasty soup indeed.

Drink: A strong mug of lunchtime tea. It must be something to do with the water but tea definitely brews stronger up north.

Entertainment: Watching the constant parade of dogs (and their walkers) outside our window.

* Damp was his profession, not his demeanour.

Preparation time: 30 minutes
Cooking time: 30 minutes
Skill level: easier than poking a stick at Camilla
Serves: 2

Ingredients

• vegetable stock – 600ml
• butter – 25g
• olive oil – 1tbsp
• onion – finely chopped – 1tbsp
• arborio rice – 225g
• dried porcini mushrooms – soaked – 20g
• the filtered water from the mushrooms
• parmigiano-reggiano – grated – 3tbsp
• s and p

First the mushrooms:

Soak the mushrooms in a bowl of 500ml of barely warm water for 30 minutes.

Remove the mushroom by hand and squeeze out as much water as possible (back into the bowl)

Rinse the mushrooms in several changes of cold water.

Check for and remove any stubborn soil which may remain on the mushrooms.

Pat dry with kitchen towel.

Filter the mushroom water through a sieve lined with kitchen towel.

Sophie – at the time of writing, the most middle class
baby accessory money can buy

Now for the risotto:

Pour the stock into a pan and gently bring to a simmer.

Put 10g of butter, the olive oil and onions into a heavy-bottomed pan over a medium heat and sauté the onions until they become translucent.

Add the rice and stir to ensure it is thoroughly coated in the oil.

Add 100ml of the stock and stir continuously until it is completely absorbed.

Add another 100ml and repeat the process until you have used up all the stock.

Once the rice has been cooking for 10 minutes, add the mushrooms and half the filtered mushroom water. Continue to stir and when there is no more liquid, add more of the mushroom water, stirring, letting evaporate, adding more until you’ve used it all.

The rice is ready when soft on the outside but still with a bite.

Mushroom

Verdict: As I said up at the top, this is currently my favourite thing. A smooth, creamy, rich, mushroomy treat which is a doddle to make. Works equally well as a midweek treat or a show-off weekend starter.

Drink: Ooops, a little more than planned. A mulled wine at Borough, a couple of winter ales outside the Market Porter, a bottle of red (mulled) when we got home, and an ill-advised bottle of white to round off the evening. (This meal was pre-Christmas)

Entertainment: ‘The Infidel’ on DVD. Even plenteous booze couldn’t elevate this above the average. Some funny bits but spaced too far apart and a terribly contrived ending.

Preparation time: 5 minutes plus 15 minutes mushroom soaking
Cooking time: 25 minutes
Skill level: easy
Serves: 2

Ingredients

For the fondue

• dried porcini mushrooms – soaked in 375ml of hot water for 15 minutes – 40g
• 1 clove of garlic – finely chopped
• cornflour – 1½ tsp
• kirsch – 30 ml
• sauvignon blanc or other dry white wine – 220ml
• Gruyère – coarsely grated – 165g
• Emmenthal – coarsely grated – 165g

To serve

• ciabatta or other good rustic bread – cut into 2½ cm cubes
• baby new potatoes – boiled and halved – 500g
• pickled silverskin onions and small cocktail gherkins

Drain the soaked mushrooms through a sieve placed over a bowl – reserving the liquid.

Finely chop the mushrooms.

Heat the mushroom water in a frying pan, add the chopped mushrooms and garlic and simmer over medium heat for 7-10 minutes or until most of the liquid is absorbed.

Season to taste with sea salt and ground black pepper.

Combine cornflour and kirsch in a bowl and stir until dissolved.

Pour the wine into your fondue pot and bring to a simmer.

Add the cheeses and stir continuously until melted.

Stir in the cornstarch mixture and cook for 2 minutes or until fondue thickens slightly and begins to bubble.

Stir in the porcini mushrooms and season to taste.

Take to the dining table.

Dip your bread and potatoes into fondue and eat accompanied with the pickled silverskin onions and cocktail gherkins.

Verdict: Struth this is good. Particularly enjoyed the melted cheese/onion/gherkin raclette-style combo. A rich cheesy, mushroomy overload, guaranteed to give cheese-induced night sweats.

Drink: Finished the opened white and followed up with an unopened red. Resisted polishing off the Kirsch.

Entertainment: Episode 1 of Carl Sagan’s ‘Cosmos: A Personal Voyage’. A poetical work of genius which apart from the polo-neck jumpers, has barely dated in 30 years.

‘Up there in the immensity of the Cosmos, an inescapable perception awaits us. National boundaries are not evident when we view the Earth from space. Fanatical ethnic, religious or national chauvinisms are a little difficult to maintain when we see our planet as a fragile blue crescent fading to become an inconspicuous point of light against the bastion and citadel of the stars’.

The recipe below is very tasty … but does it show enough cookery skills …?

Preparation time: 5 minutes
Cooking time: 20 – 30 minutes
Skill level: Easy
Recipe: Based on a recipe from Wa’Ro magazine

Ingredients

The quantities stated here are vague/non-existent – the balance of ingredients is entirely up to you so just use your imagination.

• mushrooms – halved or quartered depending on size – some
• garlic – thinly sliced – 1 clove per person
• spring greens (or other dark green cabbage such as Savoy) – shredded – some
• good bread – sliced – some
• Lincolnshire Poacher or strong Cheddar – grated – some
• milk – 1 tbsp per person
• grain mustard – 1 tsp per person
• olive oil – some
• s and p

Pre-heat the grill.

Heat a little oil in a large heavy-bottomed frying pan until very hot.

Add the mushrooms and garlic and cook for 5 minutes or so until softened and golden.

Remove from the pan and set aside (keeping warm).

Pour a little more oil in the pan and add the Spring Greens. Cook for another 5 minutes or so until softened.

Add the cooked mushrooms, taste, season and keep warm over a low heat.

Toast the bread on both sides.

In a bowl mix together the grated cheese, mustard and enough milk to bind.

Pile the mushroom mixture onto the toasts and then spoon over the cheese.

Place under a hot grill until the cheese is melted and bubbling.

Serve immediately.

Verdict: Garlic Mushrooms? Melted Cheese? There was never going to be any doubt that this would be anything other than very tasty. Makes a great weekend brunch/lunch/greedy snack.

Drink: Beetroot Juice.

Entertainment: Nemone on 6Music.

Freelance Writer Alex, Paediatrician Children’s Doctor Tim and NuDadDhruv fight it out in the final of MasterChef.

Preparation time: 10 minutes
Cooking time: 35 – 45 minutes
Skill level: Easy
Makes: Enough for four.

Ingredients

• chestnut mushrooms – 1kg – roughly chopped
• 1 large onion – finely chopped
• butter – 50g
• good quality vegetable stock – 1 litre
• double cream – 150ml
• full-fat milk – some or possibly none
• s and p

Heat the butter in a large heavy-bottomed saucepan.

When the butter is foaming, add the onions and cook for a few minutes until softened but not coloured.

Next add the mushrooms, stir and cook for another few minutes until beginning to soften.

Add the stock, bring to the boil, cover with a lid and  simmer gently for 20 minutes.

Liquidise until smooth, add the cream and season to taste.

If you like a thinner soup, add some milk until you have reached your desired consistency.

Sieve or pour into a flask for a great lunchtime alternative to your usual Pret sandwich.

Verdict: rich, ‘meaty’, creamy and unlike most/all commercially produced soups, actually tastes of mushrooms.

Drink: It’s a drink in itself.

Entertainment: We are currently working our way through the first season of ’30 Rock’. Alec Baldwin is actually funny.

So how does one prepare the most expensive mushroom in the Universe? Well as we were on holiday in France the only appropriate method of cooking seemed to be by simply slicing and frying in half a pound of good quality butter. Veronique, the woman who shamelessly sold us our Cep, secretly included a small bunch of parsley, so we assumed this was a traditional accompaniment.

The cooking time was a lot longer than expected as the stalk/stem was quite woody. In fact by the time this was tender enough to eat, the cap and especially the gills, had taken on a slightly disturbing soft jelly texture. The flavour was subtle, distinctive, not at all mushroom-like, and overall an almighty disappointment.

I also had the irrational feeling that in my ignorance perhaps I had omitted to remove the famous and lethal Cep poison gland which every Frenchman learns about in infancy. The headline ‘Another pair of stupid English killed by their breakfast’ popped into my head and wouldn’t go away.

Sadly, the bulk of our €6.65 investment ended up in the bin and we readily ate cheese instead.

So there you have it, not a particularly successful meal, but perhaps a suitable metaphor for the current financial meltdown.