In space no one can hear you scream

Preparation time: 10 minutes
Cooking time: 1 hour 15 minutes
Recipe: Rick Stein (and countless generations of Spaniards)
Skill level: easy

Ingredients

• octopus – about 500g
• waxy potatoes – such as Désirée
• pimentón picante (hot smoked spanish paprika) – ½ tsp
• olive oil
• s & p

Get your local fishmonger to clean and prepare your octopus. You will have a mass of tentacles and the head (which looks like a squid tube)

Pour enough water to comfortably cover the octopus into a large saucepan along with 1 tbsp of sea salt.

Bring to the boil and add the octopus. The octopus will tense and stiffen in a slightly sinister way. Cover and simmer for 45 mins to 1 hour until tender.

Remove the octopus from the pan and set aside to cool. DON’T THROW AWAY THE WATER.

When cool enough to handle cut the tentacles and head into 10mm thick pieces.

Peel the potatoes and cut into wedges.

Bring the octopus water to the boil and add the potatoes. Simmer for 10 minutes or until just tender. Drain.

Heat some olive oil in a large frying pan and add the pimentón picante followed by the potatoes. Toss for a few seconds until completely coated in the red-coloured oil.

Add the octopus and quickly cook until heated through.

Serve immediately with an extra drizzle of olive oil and a sprinkle of sea salt.

Not a photo of an actual Pulpo a la gallega, but a similar clammier dish.

Verdict: Superb. And very simple. The octopus was perfectly tender and in my opinion much tastier than it’s cephalopodic cousin, the squid, it has a deeper, earthier flavour, really very good.

Drink: A pair of Cruzcampo at the local tapas bar (along with a few appetising bowls of pre-dinner tapas). And a bottle of white.

Entertainment: Vintage Floyd in Italy on DVD.

Wuddy and Car – the two most important things in yumblog junior’s life

Preparation time: 5 – 10 minutes
Cooking time: 30 minutes
Skill level: easy
Makes: 6 – 8

Ingredients

• plain flour – 100g
• baking powder – 1tsp
• caster sugar – 1tsp
• 2 free-range eggs – beaten
• milk – 75ml
• sweetcorn kernels (frozen/tinned or ideally fresh) – 350g
• ½ medium red onion – finely chopped
• 1 chilli – finely chopped
• fresh parsley – finely chopped – 2tbsp
• s & p
• a little olive oil for cooking

In a bowl mix together the flour, baking powder and sugar along with some salt and freshly ground black pepper.

In a jug mix together the milk and eggs.

Gradually stir the milk/eggs into the flour mixture to form a batter.

In another bowl mix together the sweetcorn, onion, parsley and chilli and season well.

Add this to the batter and stir everything together.

Heat a little oil in a non-stick frying pan and drop in about 3/4 ladle of the mix. Flatten down a little with spatula and cook for a minute or two until nicely browned on the bottom.

Turn over and cook on the other side.

Flip out onto some kitchen paper and keep warm. Repeat until you have used up all the batter – we ended up with an uneven seven.

Serve with whatever takes your fancy.

Verdict: Sweet and succulent with a hint of chilli heat. Experiment with different flavourings and extras.

Drink: Peroni and some left over white.

Entertainment: We’re back on the streets with Homicide.

Snow comes to Yumblog Cottage

Another exception to this rule are the cheeky Hairy Bikers as we like their cheeky northern cheekiness and honest, hearty grub …and grub doesn’t get more honest and hearty than this excellent supper dish.

Now put down that book and get out of our house or we’ll release the hounds!

An artist’s impression of what Dave Myers’ Mam
might most probably definitely looks like.

Preparation time: 25 minutes
Cooking time: roughly 30 minutes – more if you need to make the mash from scratch
Skill level: easy
Serves: 2

Ingredients

For the fishcakes:

• cod fillet – 250g
• milk – 125ml
• mashed potato – 250g
• 1 bay leaf
• 2 free range eggs
• parsley – finely chopped – 1tbsp
• plain flour – some
• packet bread crumbs – the bright orange ones
• black and white pepper
• sea salt
• olive oil

For the cheese sauce:

• reserved milk from poaching the fish
• full fat milk
• butter – 50g
• plain flour – 2½tbsp
• mature cheddar – grated – 175g
• salt & pepper

If you don’t have any left-over mashed potato, now’s the time to make some.

Season the cod with salt and black pepper and place in a deep frying pan along with the milk and bay leaf. Cover with a lid.

Bring the milk to the boil, turn down the heat and simmer for about 5 minutes (depending on the thickness of your fillet) until the fish is beginning to flake.

Set aside to cool.

Once cool, strain (and keep) the cooking liquid and flake the fish.

Drop the flaked fish into a large bowl along with the mashed potato, one beaten egg and the chopped parsley. Gently mix everything together and season with salt and white pepper (the white pepper is essential for that authentic Mam flavour).

Divide the mixture in two and form both of your behemoth fishcakes.

Grab three dinner plates and lay them out in a row.

Put flour on the first, beaten egg on the second and breadcrumbs on the third.

Carefully roll the fishcakes in the flour, then the egg, then the breadcrumbs.

Heat some olive oil in a frying pan and cook the fishcakes on both sides until a dark golden brown.

Place in a medium oven to keep warm.

Next for the cheese sauce.

Add some milk to the reserved fish stock until it makes up 500ml.

Add the butter to a saucepan and heat until melted. Add the flour to form a paste. Cook for 3 minutes, stirring all the time.

Gradually add the milk mixture and whisk over a gentle heat until thickened.

Add the cheese and stir until melted and the sauce is silky smooth.

Season to taste.

Pour over your fishcakes and serve, possibly with something green and spherical such as peas.

Enjoy.

Verdict: There can’t be a better Saturday-evening-in-front-of-the-TV dinner than this. The fishcake is smooth and fishy on the inside and crisp and crunchy on the outside. The cheese sauce is smooth, unctuous and cheesier than cheese itself. There is a reason the Hairy Bikers are carrying a few extra pounds.

Drink: A few Duffs and a bottle of half price red from Morrisons.

Entertainment: A ‘Shoestring’ on DVD.

A birthday present from Blogger-D to Blogger-R.

Preparation time: 10 minutes plus 30 minutes for the batter to sit
Cooking time: 20-30 minutes
Skill level: medium
Makes: 10 – 12 crêpes

Ingredients

For the crêpes

• white flour – 190g
• pinch of salt
• 2 eggs
• full fat milk – 250ml
• butter – melted – 25g
• olive oil – for cooking

For the filling

• 2 shallots – finely chopped
• 1 clove of garlic – finely chopped
• butter – 15g
• soft goat’s cheese – 100g
• olive oil – 1tbsp
• chives – finely chopped – 1tbsp
• parsley – finely chopped – 1tbsp
• s & p

If your goat’s cheese is in the fridge, take it out so it softens to room temperature.

Start by making the batter.

Sift the flour into a bowl and then add the salt.

Make a well in the centre of the flour and break the eggs into it. Whisk the centre gradually bringing in more and more flour from the outside.

Next gradually whisk in the milk followed by the melted butter.

The batter should be runny enough to thinly coat the back of a spoon. Add a little more milk if too thick.

Cover and set aside in the fridge for at least 30 minutes.

Now for the filling.

Sauté the shallots and garlic in the butter. You want them soft and translucent but not coloured.

In a bowl combine the shallots and garlic with the goat’s cheese.

Add the olive oil and mix until everything is combined and creamy.

Stir in the chives and parsley.

Season to taste.

Find a 8″ frying pan and make your crêpes in the usual way. If you don’t know how to do this there are plenty of videos on Youtube which will show you how … such as this crazy guy. Stack the crêpes as you make them … you should end up with 10-12.

Next construct your crêpes

Spread a spoonful of the cheese filling on a quarter of the crêpe. Fold in half and then in half again to form a triangle. Continue until you have run out of crêpes and filling.

Place in a moderate oven for a couple of minutes to warm through.

Serve with a crisp green salad.

Verdict: Tangy goatiness wrapped up in a soft blanket of pancake. Very good indeed. The quantity is right for two people although we could have eaten it all over again.

Drink: A few more Duff and a bottle of sub £5 red.

Entertainment: ‘A Question of Taste’. Kirsty Wark asks foody questions of (invariably) smug food bloggers and William Sitwell sits behind a Mac laptop with the Apple logo taped over and reads out interesting food facts from Wikipedia. As niche and awkward quizes go, I prefer ‘Antiques Master‘.

Preparation time: 10 minutes plus an hour to set the polenta
Cooking time: 50 minutes
Skill level: easy
Serves: 2

Ingredients

• polenta – 90g
• butter – 25g
• portobello mushrooms – 400g
• rosemary – roughly chopped – 2tbsp
• 2 fat garlic cloves – finely chopped
• gorgonzola – 50g
• olive oil
• s and p

Start by making your polenta.

Bring 500ml of salted water to the boil in a medium-sized saucepan. Gradually pour in the polenta, stirring continuously.

Keep stirring and cook for 5-7 minutes until the polenta is smooth.

Continue cooking over a low/medium heat for 25 minutes – stirring occasionally.

Remove from the heat and stir in 15g of butter.

Pour into a suitably sized container/tin which has been lined with cling film – you’ll want your polenta to be about 15-20mm thick.

Smooth the top of the polenta and refrigerate for about an hour until cool and set.

Cut the polenta into slices,

Heat some oil in a non-stick frying pan over a high heat. When the oil is very hot, lay in the polenta slices and fry on both sides until crisp and golden – you may have to do this in batches if your pan is not big enough,

Remove, place on kitchen paper and keep warm.

Meanwhile, heat some oil in (another) large non-stick frying pan and when very hot add the mushrooms. Fry for 3-5 minutes until they have started to colour and then add the remaining butter, garlic and rosemary. Fry for another 2-3 minutes until golden in colour. Taste, season and keep warm.

To serve, top the polenta slices with the mushrooms and crumble over the gorgonzola.

Verdict: This makes an excellent evening meal (the polenta could be made a day or two in advance) or an indulgent weekend brunch. The crunch of the polenta contrasts well with the soft mushrooms and the flavours of the 3 constituent ingeredients complement each other perfectly. Thoroughly recommended.

Drink: A pair of G’n'T’s.

Entertainment: Watching the ever familiar help screen of our BT Vision box (they let us keep it when we cancelled the contract, methinks they understand its true value) – the crappiest piece of technology since the Ronco Buttoneer and quaintly the only device this side of 1954 which still requires 5 minutes to warm up.

Well this is as close to perfection as you are likely to get in this increasingly imperfect world. As with all the other sauces in this occasional series, I turned to the ever reliable Marcella Hazan for inspiration and guidance, and once again she delivered the goods with this simple (slightly faffy) delicious recipe.

Preparation time: 10 minutes plus 25 minutes to salt the aubergine
Cooking time: 40 – 50 minutes
Skill level: easy with an element of faff
Serves: 2

Ingredients

• 1 medium sized aubergine
• 2 cloves of garlic – finely chopped
• parsley – finely chopped – 2 generous tbsp
• 1 tin of (quality) tomatoes – about 400g
• 1 chilli – finely chopped
• pasta (ideally spaghetti) – 200g
• olive oil
• s and p

First the faffy bit.

Cut the aubergine in half lengthways and then cut (lengthways again) into 1cm slices.

Stand the layers upright against the inside of a colander and generously sprinkle with salt (double up the layers if necessary).

Place on a plate (to catch the liquid) and set aside for at least half an hour to allow the salt to draw some of the water out of the aubergine.

After half an hour, rinse under the tap and pat dry with some kitchen towel.

Pour oil into a large heavy frying pan (enough to just cover the base), and place over a high heat. When the oil is beginning to smoke, lay in your aubergine slices (you’ll have to do this in batches) and cook until brown and softened on the underside. Flip over and repeat.

When cooked, place on kitchen towel to soak up some of the oil.

Repeat until all the aubergine is cooked.

OK, that was the faffy bit, although all of the above can be done in advance (up to 2 days).

To make the sauce, pour some olive oil in a large heavy frying pan (Readers tip: Why not use the same frying pan you used to cook the aubergine?) and fry the garlic over a medium heat until it becomes lightly coloured.

Add the tomatoes, parsley, chilli and some salt and stir thoroughly.

Adjust the heat to a slow steady simmer and cook for about 25 minutes. Stir occasionally.

Meanwhile cook your pasta in the usual way.

Cut the aubergine into slithers (about 1cm wide) and add to the sauce.

Heat through for 2-3 minutes (add a little pasta water if looking too thick).

Twist in some black pepper, taste and adjust the seasoning if necessary.*

Add the cooked pasta, mix together, drizzle with some good olive oil and serve.

*Sauce could be made in advance and refrigerated for up to 3 days

Verdict: As said at the beginning, this is a pretty much perfect dish which if you cooked the aubergine in advance would be an excellent mid-week treat. If I were to try and improve on perfection, I’d probably include 2 tbsp of capers at the adding tomatoes stage.

Drink: A bottle of the One Stop Shop’s finest.

Entertainment: ‘Celebrity MasterChef’ on the iPlayer. What is it doing being broadcast in the afternoon? Our hopes go with Kirsty

Preparation time: 10 minutes
Cooking time: about an hour
Skill level: easy
Serves: 2

Ingredients

• puy lentils – 200g
• un-dyed smoked haddock – 400g
• 1 onion – finely chopped
• grated zest and juice of half a lemon
• crème fraîche – 4 tbsp plus more to garnish
• creamed horseradish – 2 tbsp (or more to taste)
• milk – enough to cover your fish
• olive oil
• s & p
• chopped chives to garnish

Heat a little oil in a saucepan and gently fry the onions until soft but not coloured.

Rinse the lentils in plenty of cold water, drain, and add to the onion along with the lemon zest and juice.

Pour in 500ml of water, grate in some pepper and cook for 30-40 minutes or until the lentils are just tender and most of the water had been absorbed.

Mix together the crème fraîche and horseradish and stir into the lentils. Add salt to taste.

MEANWHILE cook the fish.

Put the haddock in a deep frying pan, pour over enough milk to cover, season with pepper, cover and cook for 6-7 minutes.

Drain the fish and when cool enough to handle, flake.

Add the flaked fish to the lentils and heat through for a couple of minutes to allow the flavours to mingle.

Taste and adjust the seasoning.

Serve in a bowl with a blob of crème fraîche and a sprinkle of chopped chives.

Another Alsatian dish

Verdict: This dish surpassed our expectations. Earthy lentils and soft smoky fish with a creamy horseradish hit to finish. Excellent.

Drink: A sharpener or two at our new local – great location by the canal, but unpredictable and erratic supplies of ale on tap. London readers please note that a pint (of anything) costs £2.00.

Entertainment: All this new found space (plus a revolutionary new bedtime regime for Yumblog Junior) has meant we now eat at a dining table like real grown ups.

The aftermath of beans on toast

Having recently made this magnificently delicious crab tart by Rick Stein, for comparison and out of the need for more double cream in our diet we turned to Simon Hopkinson.

Preparation time: 10 minutes – 4 hours (depending on your crab butchery skills)
Cooking time: 1 hour – 1 hour 15 minutes
Skill level: medium
Serves: 4

Ingredients

For the pastry case

• plain flour – 110g
• butter – cut into cubes – 50g
• 1 egg yolk
• pinch o’ salt

For the filling

• 1 tin of chopped tomatoes – 225g
• 2 garlic cloves – finely chopped
• 1 bay leaf
• 1 sprig of thyme
• double cream – 300ml
• saffron threads – a good pinch
• 4 egg yolks
• white meat, plus a little of the brown, from a 900g cooked crab
• s and p

Make the pastry by rubbing the butter into the flour, then adding the egg yolk, salt and enough water to form a dough.

Wrap in cling film and chill for at least 30 minutes.

Preheat the oven to 180C (gas mark 4).

Roll out the pastry as thin as possible and line a 20cm (8inch) tart or flan tin.

Trim the edges, prick the base with a fork and blind bake for 15-20 minutes or until a pale golden brown and cooked through.

For the filling put the tomatoes, garlic and herbs into a saucepan and reduce over a medium heat until it is a thickish sauce.

Remove the herbs, allow to cool and then spread over the bottom of the pastry case.

Warm through 3 tbsp of the cream, add the saffron and allow to steep for a few minutes.

Beat together the egg yolks with the saffron cream and remaining cream. Season.

Loosely fold the crab meat into this custard mix and pour into the pastry case.

Bake in the oven for 30-40 minutes by which time it should be set and a pale golden brown.

Serve warm rather than straight from the oven.

Verdict: Lighter and ‘quichier’ than the Rick Stein tart. Tasty though. Very tasty.

Drink: The regular Saturday evening cocktail of beer and wine.

Entertainment: ‘Stewart Lee – 90s Comedian’ – a recent purchase on DVD from ‘Go Faster Stripe‘. Without a doubt his most ‘shocking’ set and therefore one of the funniest. A comedy genius. I suppose at some point we’ll have to censor what we watch in front of Yumblog Junior. Or get her to bed a bit earlier.

Stew’s hand

Preparation time: 25 minutes plus 2.5 hours rising time
Cooking time: 10 minutes
Skill level: easy
Serves: 2

Ingredients

For the dough

• dried yeast –  sachet
• strong white flour – 500g
• warm water – 310ml
• salt – 2tsp

For the topping

• 1 medium potato
• fresh rosemary – a few sprigs
• extra virgin olive oil – slug
• sea salt and black pepper

First make your dough … we usually make a larger quantity, portion it out and freeze the remainder for future Friday night pizzas.

Pour the water into a small bowl and sprinkle over the yeast. Stir and let stand for a minute or until the a froth has formed on the top.

In a large bowl, combine the flour and salt and then add the yeast mixture.

Stir until a dough forms and turn out onto a lightly floured surface.

Knead (adding more flour if necessary) for 10 minutes by which time the dough should be smooth, glossy and elastic.

Lightly oil a large bowl and add the ball of dough – spin the dough around so it is completely covered with a film of oil.

Cover with cling film and set aside somewhere warm for 1.5 hours or until it has doubled in size.

(If you are making larger quantities, then once the dough has risen you can now divide it and freeze the remainder for another ocassion)

Oil your pizza tray and place the dough in the centre. Roll the dough out so it covers the tray and then cover with oiled cling film and set aside somewhere warm for an hour. The dough should now be fluffy and doubled in size.

Preheat the oven to 220C (gas mark 7)

Peel the potato and cut (using a potato peeler) into very thin (0.5mm) slices.

Drop the pototo slices in a bowl of water and leave for half an hour to remove some of the starch.

Drain the pototo slices and pat dry with a tea towel.

Return to the (dried) bowl and add the rosemary leaves and a good slug of olive oil.

Season generously and mix everything together.

Lay the potato slices on the pizza base in whatever arrangement/pattern/algorithmic configeration pleases you. Scrape over any rosemary/olive oil remaining in the bowl.

Place in the oven and cook for 10 minutes, or until the base is cooked and the potato just beginning to crisp.

Serve immediately with a hearty salad and several units of booze.

Verdict: This is now our Friday evening treat of choice which, along with some amusing bottles of beer and an equally agreeable bottle of wine, mark the beginning of the long-anticipated weekend. The base is always thin and chewy with a pleasant crisp to the edge and the potato and rosemary topping clean, earthy and sweet. Superb.

Drink: As already mentioned, a variety of British ales, German lagers and French wine carefully sourced from the Clerkenwell Wa’ro.

Entertainment: Last night’s missed ‘Rick Stein’s Spain’ on the iPlayer. This is by far the best cookery/travelogue series for a very long time and is a series which stands out as one of very few to not have sold out to lazy formatting, gimmickry and celebrity. You see BBC, you can do it when you try.

Well, most of it went on a rather delicioso tapas dinner of which this constituted a tasty third, accompanied by patatas bravas and a tonne of clams cooked in wine and garlic.

Preparation time: 5 minutes
Cooking time: 25 – 30 minutes
Skill level: easy
Serves: 2

Ingredients

• 1 onion – thinly sliced
• 1 red pepper – thinly sliced
• 6 largish tomatoes – roughly chopped
• 1 garlic clove – very thinly sliced
• extra-virgin olive oil – a generous slug
• hot smoked paprika (Pimentón picante) – ½ tsp (or to taste)
• fresh herbs such as parsley/oregano/thyme – finely chopped – handful
• 2 tuna steaks
• flour – a dusting
• salt & pepper

Heat the oil in a deep frying pan, add the onions and sauté for a few minutes until beginning to soften.

Add the pepper, tomato, garlic and smoked paprika, season and cook over a lowish heat for 15 minutes by which time everything should be soft and saucy.

Meanwhile lightly coat the tuna steaks in seasoned flour.

Heat some olive oil in a frying pan, add the tuna and cook on both sides for a couple of minutes. The tuna should be thoroughly cooked for this dish, not pink. Set aside.

When your sauce is ready, taste and season if necessary. Stir in the chopped herbs.

Lay the cooked tuna steaks on top of the sauce, cover with a lid and cook gently for a further 10 minutes. (If at anytime the sauce looks like it is getting a little dry, add a splash of water)

Serve as a main with good bread and a salad, or part of a tapas (we ate ours with clams cooked in wine and garlic and patatas bravas).

Verdict: This is a simple recipe which generously rewards with fresh sweet mediterranean flavours. The tuna remains moist and tender despite its relatively long cooking time. Very good indeed. Leftovers are also good eaten cold the next day.

Drink: The £4.40 pints of lager at the newly refurbished (and less cosy) Empress of India, a bottle of Golden Virgin, a few cans of Polish and the rest of the cooking wine.

Entertainment: ‘Inception’ on DVD. A sort of Matrix for grown-ups. Good stuff although a tad difficult to follow if like us you are suffering (ironically) from extreme sleep deprivation.

Yumblog Junior stands freestyle for the first time