A tofu steak gently cradles a piece of asparagus in its pepper hand

Preparation time: 10 minutes plus 30 minutes drying tofu
Cooking time: 10-15 minutes
Skill level: Easy

Ingredients

• fresh tofu – 200g
• selection of vegetables such as courgette, red/yellow pepper, asparagus, oyster mushrooms, spring onions, tomatoes, etc.
• garlic – 3 cloves – crushed
• plain flour
• vegetable oil
• s & p

Start by wrapping the tofu in kitchen paper and placing in a sieve for 30 minutes to remove the excess moisture.

Prepare the vegetables – cut courgettes into fairly thick slices, cut asparagus and spring onions in half, cut peppers in strips, etc.

Heat some oil in a wok, add half the garlic and fry for a few seconds. Add all the vegetables and fry quickly over a high heat until just tender. Put aside and keep warm.

Cut the tofu into four steaks, rub with the remaining garlic and roll in seasoned flour.

Heat some oil in a heavy-bottomed frying pan and add the tofu. Fry for a few minutes until the underside is golden, turn over and repeat.

At the last moment return the wok to a high heat and quickly bring the vegetables up to temperature.

Spoon out the vegetables and top with the steaks.

Serve with soy sauce, wasabi paste and/or pickled ginger.

Verdict: Like I said, you’d think a slab of fried tofu with very little done to it would be as bland as the Radio 2 play list, but you’d be wrong. It is in fact succulent and tasty and a perfect partner to the crunchy vegetables.

Drink: Beer before, wine during.

Entertainment: An episode or two of the preposterous but highly addictive first series of ’24′.

Preparation time: 10 minutes plus an hour to marinate
Cooking time: 15 minutes
Skill level: Easy

Ingredients

• 2 salmon fillets
• mirin – 1tbsp
• light soy – 50ml
• caster sugar – 1tsp

Place the salmon fillets in a shallow dish. Mix together the mirin, soy sauce and sugar and pour over the salmon. Leave to marinate for an hour. Go to the pub.

Return from the pub refreshed and pre-heat the oven to 230C/gas mark 8. Place the salmon on a baking tray lined with baking paper. Spoon over some of the marinade and put in the oven for 15 minutes, basting with more marinade after 5 and 10 minutes.

Serve with whatever takes your fancy. We opted for egg noodles, sautéed leeks and some exotic looking mushrooms from Waitrose.

Verdict: We’ll be having this again very soon. The salmon was succulent and the flavour of the marinade sweet and tangy. It’s all down to the mirin.

Drink: A trio of Bitburgers during marination.

Entertainment: ‘Grange Hill’, series 1, episodes 1 and 2. Benny’s too poor to have football boots.

Preparation time: 30 minutes plus marinating time
Cooking time: 30 minutes
Skill level: medium
Serves: meant to be 4 but the two of us managed it all

Ingredients

• firm tofu – 300g
• brussels sprouts – 500g
• dried shiitake mushrooms – 120g
• ‘yude udon’ japanese noodles – 200g
• spring onions – sliced – 100g
• chilli sauce – 2tbsp
• sesame oil – 3tbsp
• light soy sauce – 1.5 tbsp
• rice vinegar – 1tsp
• honey – 1tbsp
• sunflower oil – 180ml
• half small chilli – deseeded and finely chopped
• toasted sesame seeds – 1tbsp
• salt

First marinate your tofu by cutting the block into 5mm slices and then cutting them in half to produce 8-10 squarish pieces. Mix together the chilli sauce, soy, vinegar, honey and 2 tbsp of sesame oil then pour over the tofu. Set aside for an hour or so until needed.

Put the shiitake mushrooms in a bowl and pour over boiling water. Set aside for half an hour until soft.

Trim the bases off the sprouts and cut lengthways into 3 thick slices. Heat up some of the sunflower oil in a heavy bottomed frying pan. Add the sprouts, season and fry for 2 minutes each side. Ensure the sprouts are only one deep and try not to stir too much. They should be cooked until they are starting to blacken in some places. Depending on the size of your pan, you will probably have to do this in 2 stages. When cooked, place in a dish and keep warm.

Add more oil to the pan and sauté the onion, mushrooms (cut into slices) and chilli for a minute or two. Transfer to the sprout bowl.

Next, remove the tofu from the marinade and fry over a medium heat for a couple minutes each side until lightly browned and caramelised, again, this may have to be done in two stages. Put aside and keep warm.

Return the sprout mixture to the frying pan, pour over the marinade and quickly heat up. Taste and season if necessary.

Meanwhile cook the noodles as per instructions – should be no more than 2 minutes.

To serve, place the noodles in the bottom of a dish, add sprout mixture, place tofu in top and sprinkle with the toasted sesame seeds.

Verdict: Excellent. The sprouts were slightly charred but still crisp, and the tofu sweet and silky.

Drink: Well, our intended 3 weeks of temperence crumbled after (a still impressive) 7 days, so we got stuck into some of the wine and beer kindly bought by family for Christmas.

Entertainment: ‘Still Game’, series 3, episodes 2 & 3. Tam wins an electric shopping scooter in a card game where 3 Queens are described as 6 titties. This has to be one of the funniest comedies ever and deserves many more awards and accolades. Certainly more than the much over-rated ‘Extras’.

Preparation time: 45 minutes – 5 hours (depending how skilled/lucky you are)
Cooking time: 10 minutes
Skill level: Difficult
Makes: 4 rolls/24 individual sushi

Ingredients

Rice

• sushi rice – 175g (uncooked weight)
• cold water – 225ml
• dried kelp – wiped clean – small strip
• rice vinegar – 1 1/2 tbsp
• caster sugar – 1 tbsp
• salt – 1/2 tsp

Filling

• wasabe paste – small amount
• seaweed paper – 2 sheets
• red pepper, avocado, cucumber, spring onion, etc – cut into thin batons.
• smoked mackerel

The first thing you have to do is wash the rice by placing it in a large bowl with plenty of water and sifting it through your fingers until the water gets cloudy. Change the water and repeat several times until the water remains clear.

Drain and set aside for 30 minutes by which time the rice will have started to swell.

Next put the rice, kelp and water into a pan with a tight-fitting lid and bring to the boil over a medium heat. Remove the kelp just before boiling point, cover and simmer gently for 10 minutes. At no point remove the lid as this is an illegal act.

After 10 minutes turn off the heat, remove the lid and cover with a tea towel and leave to cool for 10 minutes.

Meanwhile put the rice vinegar, sugar and salt in a pan and heat until the sugar has dissolved. Pour into a jug and leave to cool.

Place the rice into a bowl and gently break apart the rice with a wooden spatula. Slowly add the vinegar mixture as you stir. Set aside until everything is at room temperature.

Now let the fun begin.

Cut a seaweed sheet in half and place it on your sushi rolling mat. What do you mean you don’t have one? We got ours in Chinatown, but you can get yours in Waitrose. Squash the rice down to thinly cover the seaweed sheet – leaving a 1cm strip clear along one of the long edges as this will form the the seal.

Spread a SMALL quantity of wasabe paste along the centre of the rice and then lay on your filling(s) of choice – again, not too much.

Then using the mat, calmly roll as tightly as you can without making everything ooze from the ends. Hopefully after much swearing and cussing you should have a perfect roll.

Trim the ends and cut into 8 pieces.

Continue three more times.

Eat with pickled ginger, wasabe, soy and a smug sense of satisfaction.

Verdict: Well it’s sushi, innit. If you like sushi, you’ll like these. The next step is to include fish so if you could tell me where in London I might get fish fresh enough to eat raw…

Drink: Best to stay sober whilst making these although you’ll need a swift celebratory something afterwards.

Entertainment: ‘L’Appartement’ on DVD. A complex convoluted French thriller with multiple flashbacks within flashbacks and subtitles. Needless to say I got lost halfway in. The lovely Romane Bohringer and Monica Bellucci kept me interested though.