Another exception to this rule are the cheeky Hairy Bikers as we like their cheeky northern cheekiness and honest, hearty grub …and grub doesn’t get more honest and hearty than this excellent supper dish.

Now put down that book and get out of our house or we’ll release the hounds!

An artist’s impression of what Dave Myers’ Mam
might most probably definitely looks like.

Preparation time: 25 minutes
Cooking time: roughly 30 minutes – more if you need to make the mash from scratch
Skill level: easy
Serves: 2

Ingredients

For the fishcakes:

• cod fillet – 250g
• milk – 125ml
• mashed potato – 250g
• 1 bay leaf
• 2 free range eggs
• parsley – finely chopped – 1tbsp
• plain flour – some
• packet bread crumbs – the bright orange ones
• black and white pepper
• sea salt
• olive oil

For the cheese sauce:

• reserved milk from poaching the fish
• full fat milk
• butter – 50g
• plain flour – 2½tbsp
• mature cheddar – grated – 175g
• salt & pepper

If you don’t have any left-over mashed potato, now’s the time to make some.

Season the cod with salt and black pepper and place in a deep frying pan along with the milk and bay leaf. Cover with a lid.

Bring the milk to the boil, turn down the heat and simmer for about 5 minutes (depending on the thickness of your fillet) until the fish is beginning to flake.

Set aside to cool.

Once cool, strain (and keep) the cooking liquid and flake the fish.

Drop the flaked fish into a large bowl along with the mashed potato, one beaten egg and the chopped parsley. Gently mix everything together and season with salt and white pepper (the white pepper is essential for that authentic Mam flavour).

Divide the mixture in two and form both of your behemoth fishcakes.

Grab three dinner plates and lay them out in a row.

Put flour on the first, beaten egg on the second and breadcrumbs on the third.

Carefully roll the fishcakes in the flour, then the egg, then the breadcrumbs.

Heat some olive oil in a frying pan and cook the fishcakes on both sides until a dark golden brown.

Place in a medium oven to keep warm.

Next for the cheese sauce.

Add some milk to the reserved fish stock until it makes up 500ml.

Add the butter to a saucepan and heat until melted. Add the flour to form a paste. Cook for 3 minutes, stirring all the time.

Gradually add the milk mixture and whisk over a gentle heat until thickened.

Add the cheese and stir until melted and the sauce is silky smooth.

Season to taste.

Pour over your fishcakes and serve, possibly with something green and spherical such as peas.

Enjoy.

Verdict: There can’t be a better Saturday-evening-in-front-of-the-TV dinner than this. The fishcake is smooth and fishy on the inside and crisp and crunchy on the outside. The cheese sauce is smooth, unctuous and cheesier than cheese itself. There is a reason the Hairy Bikers are carrying a few extra pounds.

Drink: A few Duffs and a bottle of half price red from Morrisons.

Entertainment: A ‘Shoestring’ on DVD.

A birthday present from Blogger-D to Blogger-R.

Preparation time: 10 minutes plus 2 days to cure
Cooking time: none
Skill level: easy
Serves: 4

Ingredients

• 2 fresh salmon fillets (skin on) – 400g
• 2 medium sized raw beetroots – grated
• course sea salt – 40g
• caster sugar – 40g
• fresh dill finely chopped – small bunch
• horseradish sauce – 75g

Place the salmon skin side down on a piece of clingfilm.

Mix together all the other ingredients and rub this mixture onto the fish.

Sandwich with the other fillet, skin side up.

Tightly wrap in the 3-4 layers of clingfilm.

Lay in a shallow dish (there will be some leakage), put a saucer/small tray/tin lid/etc. on top and weigh down with something heavyish (Bible/bowling ball/etc.)

Place in the fridge for 2-3 days, turning every 12 hours so the briny cure liquid thoroughly permeates the fish.

Unwrap, slice thinnish and enjoy with some horseradish sauce.

Gravalax will keep in the fridge for around 5 days.

Verdict: Although all three gravali were excellent, this beetroot option clearly stood out as the best. Sweet, beetrooty and bright pink.

Drink: Some sparkling, some red, some white and some dessert.

Entertainment: Listening to the ramblings of Mad Auntie T

This year Santa delivered Yumblog Junior a little extra Christmas treat – Chicken Pox.

Preparation time: 10 minutes plus 2 days to cure
Cooking time: none
Skill level: ridiculously easy
Serves: 4

Ingredients

• 2 fresh salmon fillets (skin on) – 400g
• caster sugar – 40g
• coarse sea salt – 40g
• 1 star anise – seeds removed and crushed
• coriander seeds – crushed – 2tsp
• fresh coriander – a few stalks – roughly chopped
• fresh ginger – roughly chopped – 1cm piece
• mirin (or dry sherry) – 1tbsp

Place one piece of salmon skin side down on a piece of clingfilm.

Mix together all the other ingredients and rub this mixture onto the fish.

Place the other piece of fish on top, skin side up.

Tightly wrap in 3-4 layers of clingfilm.

Lay in a shallow dish (there will be some leakage), put a saucer/small tray/tin lid/etc. on top and weigh down with something heavyish.

Place in the fridge for 2-3 days, turning every 12 hours so the briny cure liquid permeates throughout the fish.

Unwrap, slice thinnish and enjoy with some thin strips of cucumber and a horseradish sauce.

Gravalax will keep in the fridge for around 5 days.

Verdict: Spicier (obviously) than gravalax #1. Tasty.

Drink: A shot or two of iced Vodka.

Entertainment: We had a guest, so technically we were the entertainment.

Box of shame

Preparation time: 5 minutes plus 2 days to cure
Cooking time: none
Skill level: ridiculously easy
Serves: 2

Ingredients

• fresh salmon fillets (skin on) – 300g
• caster sugar – 15g
• course sea salt – 20g
• fresh dill finely chopped – small bunch
• pink peppercorns – crushed – 1tsp

Place the salmon skin side down on a piece of clingfilm.

Mix together the sugar, salt, dill and pepper and rub this mixture onto the fish.

Tightly wrap in the 3-4 layers of clingfilm.

Lay in a shallow dish (there will be some leakage), put a saucer/small tray/tin lid/etc. on top and weigh down with something heavyish (tin of baked beans/jar of mayonnaise/etc.)

Place in the fridge for 2-3 days, turning every 12 hours so the briny cure liquid permeates throughout the fish.

Unwrap, slice thinnish and enjoy with some horseradish sauce.

Gravalax will keep in the fridge for around 5 days.

Verdict: Phwoar!!! Utterly superb and so easy to make. I urge you to make some for Christmas, it is every bit as good as smoked salmon, and a fraction of the cost. This recipe is for just a small amount so I suggest you multiply up the quantities.

Drink: Wintery Pimms and a bottle of red.

Entertainment: ‘MasterChef – The Pros’ – Gregg and MRJ gorge themselves on superlatives.

Preparation time: 10 minutes
Cooking time: about an hour
Skill level: easy
Serves: 2

Ingredients

• puy lentils – 200g
• un-dyed smoked haddock – 400g
• 1 onion – finely chopped
• grated zest and juice of half a lemon
• crème fraîche – 4 tbsp plus more to garnish
• creamed horseradish – 2 tbsp (or more to taste)
• milk – enough to cover your fish
• olive oil
• s & p
• chopped chives to garnish

Heat a little oil in a saucepan and gently fry the onions until soft but not coloured.

Rinse the lentils in plenty of cold water, drain, and add to the onion along with the lemon zest and juice.

Pour in 500ml of water, grate in some pepper and cook for 30-40 minutes or until the lentils are just tender and most of the water had been absorbed.

Mix together the crème fraîche and horseradish and stir into the lentils. Add salt to taste.

MEANWHILE cook the fish.

Put the haddock in a deep frying pan, pour over enough milk to cover, season with pepper, cover and cook for 6-7 minutes.

Drain the fish and when cool enough to handle, flake.

Add the flaked fish to the lentils and heat through for a couple of minutes to allow the flavours to mingle.

Taste and adjust the seasoning.

Serve in a bowl with a blob of crème fraîche and a sprinkle of chopped chives.

Another Alsatian dish

Verdict: This dish surpassed our expectations. Earthy lentils and soft smoky fish with a creamy horseradish hit to finish. Excellent.

Drink: A sharpener or two at our new local – great location by the canal, but unpredictable and erratic supplies of ale on tap. London readers please note that a pint (of anything) costs £2.00.

Entertainment: All this new found space (plus a revolutionary new bedtime regime for Yumblog Junior) has meant we now eat at a dining table like real grown ups.

The aftermath of beans on toast

Well, most of it went on a rather delicioso tapas dinner of which this constituted a tasty third, accompanied by patatas bravas and a tonne of clams cooked in wine and garlic.

Preparation time: 5 minutes
Cooking time: 25 – 30 minutes
Skill level: easy
Serves: 2

Ingredients

• 1 onion – thinly sliced
• 1 red pepper – thinly sliced
• 6 largish tomatoes – roughly chopped
• 1 garlic clove – very thinly sliced
• extra-virgin olive oil – a generous slug
• hot smoked paprika (Pimentón picante) – ½ tsp (or to taste)
• fresh herbs such as parsley/oregano/thyme – finely chopped – handful
• 2 tuna steaks
• flour – a dusting
• salt & pepper

Heat the oil in a deep frying pan, add the onions and sauté for a few minutes until beginning to soften.

Add the pepper, tomato, garlic and smoked paprika, season and cook over a lowish heat for 15 minutes by which time everything should be soft and saucy.

Meanwhile lightly coat the tuna steaks in seasoned flour.

Heat some olive oil in a frying pan, add the tuna and cook on both sides for a couple of minutes. The tuna should be thoroughly cooked for this dish, not pink. Set aside.

When your sauce is ready, taste and season if necessary. Stir in the chopped herbs.

Lay the cooked tuna steaks on top of the sauce, cover with a lid and cook gently for a further 10 minutes. (If at anytime the sauce looks like it is getting a little dry, add a splash of water)

Serve as a main with good bread and a salad, or part of a tapas (we ate ours with clams cooked in wine and garlic and patatas bravas).

Verdict: This is a simple recipe which generously rewards with fresh sweet mediterranean flavours. The tuna remains moist and tender despite its relatively long cooking time. Very good indeed. Leftovers are also good eaten cold the next day.

Drink: The £4.40 pints of lager at the newly refurbished (and less cosy) Empress of India, a bottle of Golden Virgin, a few cans of Polish and the rest of the cooking wine.

Entertainment: ‘Inception’ on DVD. A sort of Matrix for grown-ups. Good stuff although a tad difficult to follow if like us you are suffering (ironically) from extreme sleep deprivation.

Yumblog Junior stands freestyle for the first time

And that dear reader(s) is the trouble we go to to bring you these recipes. I hope you appreciate it. We don’t get paid for this you know. It’s not as if we even enjoy food.

Preparation time: 25 minutes
Cooking time: 30 – 45 minutes
Skill level: Despite the long list of ingredients this is a very quick and easy recipe
Serves: 2

Ingredients

• 1 shallot – finely chopped
• ½ leek (white part) – finely chopped
• 1 carrot – finely chopped
• 1 celery stick – finely chopped
• ½ fennel bulb – finely chopped
• 1 garlic clove – finely chopped
• 1 chilli – deseeded – finely chopped
• butter – a big knob
• tomato ketchup (or purée) – 1 tbsp
• 2 tomatoes – skinned and roughly chopped
• white wine – 90ml
• brandy – 25ml
• 1 bay leaf
• fish stock – 400ml
• crème fraiche (or double cream) – 75ml
• cayenne pepper – pinch
• smoked paprika – 1tsp (or to taste – this stuff tends to be pretty powerful)
• assorted fish (cut into bite-size chunks) and shellfish (we had cod, red mullet and king prawns) – 400g
• 8 new potatoes – cooked
• 1 carrot – sliced into thinish batons and cooked
• green beans – chopped and cooked
• fresh parsley – handful – chopped
• juice of half a lemon
• s & p

Start by cooking your potatoes, carrots and beans.

Meanwhile, melt the butter in a large heavy bottomed pan over a low heat.

Add the shallots, garlic, chilli, leek, carrot, fennel and celery and gently cook until softened but not coloured (10-15 minutes).

Add the tomato ketchup, tomato, white wine and brandy.

Turn up the heat and bring to the boil – cook until the liquid is reduced by half.

Add the bay leaf, fish stock and crème fraiche and bring up to the boil.

Reduce the heat to a simmer and cook until the volume has halved.

Add the cayenne pepper, paprika, chunks of fish and shellfish, plus the cooked potatoes, carrots and beans.

Simmer for no longer than five minutes, or until the fish is just cooked.

Add the parsley and lemon juice, give it a quick stir and serve.

Serve with lightly toasted bread, rubbed with garlic.

Verdict: Boy, this is good. Fishy, spicy and complex with a great depth of flavours… and quick and easy to make to boot.

Drink: A couple of pints at The Lauriston after shopping, a few genial bottles of ale whilst cooking, and the rest of the white to accompany.

Entertainment: Starting to re-watch the brilliant and shamefully underrated ‘15 Storeys High‘ – with both series going for a fiver on Amazon, you’d be a mug not to.

Vince dyes his Oxfam sheepskin coat purple to hide a beetroot stain.

Preparation time: 20-30 minutes (plus AT LEAST 24 HOURS confiting time)
Cooking time: 15 minutes
Skill level: easy
Serves: 2
Recipe: Yotam Ottolenghi

Ingredients

For the confit

• tuna steak – 300g
• 4 rosemary sprigs
• 4 bay leaves
• 3 black peppercorns – 3 tbsp
• extra-virgin olive oil – 350ml

For the salad

• waxy potatoes – peeled and cut into 2cm pieces – 600g
• turmeric – ½ tsp
• anchovies – roughly chopped – 20g
• black peppercorns – 3 tbsp
• harissa paste – 3 tsp
• capers – roughly chopped – 4 tbsp
• preserved lemon – skin, finely chopped – 2 tsp
• black olives – pitted and halved – 60g
• lemon juice – 2 tbsp
• preserved piquillo peppers – torn into rough strips – 140g
• 4 free-range eggs – hard-boiled, peeled and quartered
• 1 little gem lettuce – leaves casually torn
• parsley – roughly chopped – handful
• s & p

For the tuna confit:

AT LEAST 24 HOURS before wanting to eat, put the rosemary, bay and peppercorns in a saucepan, add the oil and heat to just below boiling point.

Place your tuna steak(s) in a suitable sized dish and pour over the oil mixture. Ensure that the tuna is completely covered – if not, heat more oil and top up.

Set aside to cool and refrigerate for at least 24 hours. Turn the tuna over half way through the process.

For the salad:

Boil the potatoes and turmeric in salted water for until cooked.

Drain and put the potatoes in a large bowl. While they are still hot, add the anchovies, harissa, capers, preserved lemon, olives and some salt, along with 90ml of the tuna oil and some of the peppercorns. Mix and leave to cool.

Remove the tuna from the oil, break into bite-sized chunks and add to the salad.

Add the lemon juice, peppers, eggs, lettuce and parsley, toss gently, taste and adjust the seasoning. Add more oil if necessary, and serve.

Verdict: Don’t be fooled into thinking this is a subtle and pointless variation on Salade Niçoise, for this is a spicy (and superior) beast packed to the gills with BIG FLAVOURS and piquant wit. The tuna has the succulency of sashimi, although some might find it a little too ‘raw’ for comfort.

Drink: A few interesting ales and a bottle of provocative red.

Entertainment: Season 4 of ‘Ideal’ has arrived, so have been reacquainting ourselves with Moz, Nikki, Cartoon Head, PC Phil Collins, et al.

As well as the excellent fishmonger where we bought the salt cod for this recipe, the ‘village’ boasts a quality butcher, greengrocer, delicatessen, wine merchant and chippy, plus the usual array of gastros, watering holes and restaurants. On the downside it is almost entirely populated by Bugaboo pushing interlopers who radiate the complacent sense of entitlement common among those who consider their birthright to be a life of ease and privilege.

Where do you go when you feel out of place on both sides of the tracks?

Preparation time: 10 minutes plus 24 hours soaking
Cooking time: 10 minutes
Skill level: easy
Serves: 8 – 12 as part of a tapas

Ingredients

• salt cod – 500g
• 1 largish potato – 175g
• milk – 200ml
• extra virgin olive oil – 160ml
• 3 garlic cloves – finely chopped
• juice of a lemon
• black pepper

Soak the cod in cold water for 24 hours – with several changes of water.

Cut the potato into chunks and boil in water until cooked. Drain, mash and keep warm.

Meanwhile place the cod in a pan, cover with cold water, bring to a boil and then turn off the heat. Leave for five minutes and then remove the skin and bones.

Pour the milk into a small saucepan, add the garlic and warm through over a low heat.

At the same time warm through the olive oil.

Place the cod in a food processor and blitz until smooth. Gradually (and alternately) add the milk and oil to form a loose paste.

Add the mashed potato and quickly mix together – do not over-process or it will become like wallpaper paste.

Stir in the lemon juice.

Season with plenty of black pepper – you’ll probably not need to add any more salt.

Serve with slices of good quality baguette.

Verdict: The heavy use of olive oil makes this a very rich dish which is best eaten in moderation and as part of a wider selection of tapas. The flavour is quite unusual and distinct and possibly not to everyone’s taste.

Drink: Somehow we managed to stick with the beer and not open the bottle of red.

Entertainment: ‘Nil By Mouth’ on DVD. 82 varied and judicious uses of the ‘cunt’ word.

On a grey and damp Saturday last October all of us here at Yumblog Towers boarded the Globe Town charabanc and trundled eastwards to the annual Forman & Field open day. It transpired to be a great day out with talks and demonstrations from farmers and food producers, a tour of the smokery, and most important of all, plentiful tasties to eat and drink. The quality of everything, and especially the smoked salmon, was exceptional, so when F & F got in contact recently and asked if we’d like a freebie of their London Cure Smoked Scottish Salmon we thought it would be churlish to refuse.

We decided not to do anything fancy with our salmon and simply serve it generously piled atop thin slices of buttered toasted Oatmeal & Molasses bread naked but for a twist of black pepper and a squirt of lemon juice.

At the risk of sounding like our impartiality and integrity can be bought with the gift of a mere 200g of delicious slowly cured Scottish smoked salmon, I can honestly say this is the best we have ever had the pleasure to eat. That said, at £9.95 for a small packet, it is also the most expensive we have ever had the pleasure to eat. However, with food you get the quality you pay for, and when it comes to this particular product, all of the 995 pennies would be very well spent.

If you are in the market for a smoked salmon which isn’t at all salty and melts in the mouth with a creamy intensity of flavour, then this is for you.

Delicious.

The Packaging

The Product

The Smokery

The Roof

The Currency

The Interior

Fish & Chips

Crab Shot

The Exterior