Fuck the Tories
As Winterval is upon us and Festivus draws near, it’s once again time for the culinary and social event of the year – the Yumblog Villas mince pie and mulled wine yuletide gathering (Smart-casual, no riff-raff). You of course were not invited, but if dear reader(s) you had managed to scale the perimeter and evade the hounds, you might have …
Sticking with A’s, we board an Aeroflot Ilyushin Il-76 and continue our culinary journey with an 18-hour, 15,668 km, direct flight to Argentina (in-flight movie – ‘Taken 3’, vegetarian option – chicken). Touching down at Buenos Aires International Airport, we take a cab to the tiny unspoilt fishing village of Mar del Plata where, overlooking the deserted picturesque bay, we …
After the media sensation and critical acclaim of our ‘Celebration of Europe’ culinary road trip (‘A timely reminder of the beauty of cultural diversity’ – The Daily Mail), we thought we’d further defy the lockdown and travel the globe alphabetically in search of exotic treats and exciting flavours. Afghanistan seemed the obvious place to start as a, it starts with …
You’re very unlikely to have wholemeal self-raising flour unless, like us, you bought some by mistake. Worry not dear reader(s), the conventional white version will serve just as well.
What better accompaniment to the Sauerkraut and bean stew below than this cumin and salt encrusted bread. This recipe is taken from the approved specification for Belokranjska pogaca with the recognised designation traditional speciality by the Ministry of Agriculture, Forestry and Food of the Republic of Slovenia of 28 October 2004 (324-25 / 01).
Arguably an obvious choice. Undeniably a tasty one. There was mild panic when a trip to Sainsburys was met with an empty shelf where the Mozzarella should have been. Hopefully this was down to an oversight by the manager rather than a consequence of Brexit, but it is too dismal to speculate. On the fruitless walk back along London Road …
And so to our spiritual home, Germany. A country that seems to get most things right in the same way we don’t anymore. In 2018 on a visit to Berlin we saw Scritti Politti at an event called ‘Goodbye UK – and Thank You for the Music‘, a celebration paying ‘homage to the extraordinary musical creativity that made the United …
And what better to soak up your Lohikeitto than this robust (and novelty shaped) rye bread. Putkilahti, Finland
Today we are eating pie in Estonia, a country in Northern Europe which borders the Baltic Sea and Gulf of Finland. Including more than 1,500 islands, its diverse terrain spans rocky beaches, old-growth forest and many lakes. Estonian citizens receive universal health care, free education and the longest paid maternity leave in the OECD. It is one of the world’s …
Denmark is a Scandinavian country comprising the Jutland Peninsula and numerous islands. It’s linked to nearby Sweden via the Öresund bridge. Denmark is considered to be one of the most economically and socially developed countries in the world. The country ranks as having the world’s highest social mobility, a high level of income equality and the lowest perceived level of …
Every December Dresden holds its annual Stollen Festival. It is a celebration of all things Stollen and involves among other things, electing the Dresden Stollen Maiden (Dresdner Stollenmädchen) and baking the world’s largest Stollen in accordance with the standards laid down by the Stollenschutzverband. This is a recipe for a stollen of more modest proportions although you can multiply the …
To go with our Škampi na buzaru we made these delicious flatbreads. Unlike many of their ilk, these are baked in the oven rather than cooked on a griddle and the resulting puffs of bread are most pleasing. It’s an easy bread to make, imagine the joy of filling them with lunchtime morsels, ham and slaw, cheese and pickle, houmous, …
On the day Parliament voted through the Brexit deal with little or no scrutiny, shamefully aided by a whipped Labour Party, now is a good time to reflect that were you to have believed the spew of lies wretched up by the Leave campaign, our glorious Kingdom would now be overrun by Bulgarians, and Banitsa, no doubt garnished with chips …
Along with the pretzel pre-injected with butter, the Laugeneck has been one of the more innovative baked-goods finds from our many visits to the bakeries of Berlin. This triangle of loveliness is essentially a cunning hybrid of croissant and pretzel, taking the chewy butteriness of the former and encasing it in the salty crunch of the latter. Unusually for Yumblog, …
As a rule I scroll past any sponsored content appearing in my Facebook timelime (unless of course it’s from Boots in which case I write an angry comment telling them to stop ripping off the NHS and pay their fucking taxes, or Dyson when I inform them Henrys are better, and pay their fucking taxes), however when a Branston* Pickle …
The study topic for Yumblog Junior this term is The Great Patriotic War (aka WW2) and one of her assignments was to prepare and cook something authentic circa homefront 1939–1945. Eschewing the Mock Fish Cakes, Potato Floddies and Reconstituted Egg on Toast, she opted for something which, at least at first glance, promised contemporary chocolatey sweetness. As I said before, …
Take a shop bought pitta bread and make it lighter, fluffier, yeastier and generally breadier and you should get the general idea.
Following Yumblog Juniors Christmas frenzy there is brief and welcome hiatus before the excitement once again builds in anticipation of the June birthday. An excitement particularly heightened this year as it represented the enormous leap from the risible infancy of six to the long awaited and unimaginable maturity of seven.
Ooh, the nights are drawing in. A pudding was required for esteemed guests and having banished thoughts of complex custards I alighted on the idea of feeding our friends something sweet and sticky instead, plums and apples away with you and your dull autumnal associations.
On the occasion of impending guests we thought that a butter-rich pastry was the place to start. Then we thought that filling that butter-rich pastry with cream, eggs and cheese might be the very thing. And some wine and a bit more butter. And finally, because we didn’t want our guests to think we were trying to render them obese …
What to do on a rainy day in Brighton when the girl can’t go to the playground for a solid two hours after school? Well, you make biscuits. Well you plan to make biscuits but then the girl chooses something biscuitesque from a giant biscuit compendium and you adjust it due to the presence of cream cheese in the topping …
“Oh Pater, dearest…” exclaimed Yumblog Junior from her preferred leather winged Bergere situated in the Soft Play and Cigar Lounge of The Junior Carlton Club, “It says here in the esteemed ‘Livre de Cuisine des Monsieurs Hommes’ that Chef Marcel Muddle has created the most divine cornflake encrusted Petits Beurres which evidently are the talk of Parisian society! Oh Pater …
… or an Italian version of a baguette. Not to be confused with the French Stick – the English version of the baguette which is 24 inches of pale bendy disappointment and about as authentic as Peckham Spring Water.
Despite your average British tomato being a Dutch grown, prematurely picked, under-ripe, woolly, anaemic, flavourless, blemish-free and over-chilled orb of disappointment, it’s still hard to get a genuine green tomato in this country… unless of course you live in Yorkshire and grow your own, in which case they’ll ALL be green from lack of sunlight. So when I found a …
If you would like to keep a fidgety child amused for an hour AND at the end of it have something tasty to dunk in your tea, this could well be the recipe for you. If you don’t have a child of your own don’t worry, you could always rent one … we hire ours out for £20 an hour …
Waiting for a post from Yumblog is a lot like waiting for a bus. Nothing for six weeks and then two come along at once. There the similarities end, so hop on board and enjoy the ride. What’s that, you don’t have the correct change? Bugger off and walk then.
Spinach, egg & parmesan pizza is like so yesterday. This is now our Friday evening pizza of choice.
I like Paul Hollywood, I like beer and I like bread…
Pleasant surprise permeated through the Yumblog household when the first viewing of ‘Paul Hollywood’s Bread’ turned out to be a relatively straightforward cookery programme. There was of course the now obligatory 5 minute introduction guaranteed to elicit shouts of “Get the fuck on with it” plus the adoption of Jamie Oliver’s technique of looking just left of the camera. In …
This recipe does require the use of a pasta maker so you’ll need to have a rummage around in your cupboard of only-used-once things. There it is next to the Ken Hom wok set … to the left of the Jamie Oliver Flava Shaker … and behind everything you ever bought from the Lakeland catalogue.
Depending on the time of day, this dish makes a great brunch, brinner, brea, brupper or supfast.
In lieu of having anything (interesting) to write about baked beans, here are a few words/phrases and accompanying definitions from Yumblog Junior’s ever increasing personal lexicon: Circle ham – German sausage Rainbrella – Umbrella Yellow people – The Simpsons Oop sake – For fuck’s sake! Ah, the things they say!
Kohlrabo, Kohlrabmas, Kohlrabat, Kohlrabamus, Kohlrabatis, Kohlrabant. Or for those of you who were’t fortunate enough to go to Sir Joseph Williamson Mathematical Grammar School for Boys* and can’t speak Latin**, I Kohlrabi, You (singular) Kohlrabi, He, She or It Kohlrabi, We Kohlrabi, You (plural) Kohlrabi, They Kohlrabi.
This is a recipe based on one found on the BBC GoodFood website and is a great way to use up that half cabbage which has been sitting at the bottom of the veg box all week. Regrettably the bendy parsnip and sprouting carrot remain untouched.
Ever wished you could enjoy your Fish Supper in one convenient, portable, pastry-encased handful? Of course you have. Then rejoice for your days of yearning are over as we here at the Laboratoires Yumblog have developed the Cod, Chips & Mushy Peas Pasty. Now you can scoff the nations favourite health food whilst out and about and on the go, …
I had a rare yen for something sweet the other day, so I commissioned my fellow blogger (the tart) ( …pie, cake and dessert specialist) to make a honey cake. After the initial face-to-face where we defined objectives, budgets, timelines and composed the all important mission statement*, we set about building the team who would take the project forward. As …
Ok, here’s a plan…the next time you make pizza dough (what do you mean you don’t make your own pizza dough?) make double/quadruple/sextuple quantities, portion them out and freeze the surplus for future generations. That way, whenever you fancy something a tad tastier than can be supplied by your local Dominoes, you’ll have a pizza instantly on hand (assuming of …
For some time it has been our mission here at the Castle Yumblog to create the perfect sourdough loaf – a subtle alchemy of simple and ancient ingredients – flour – water – salt – animated into being by wild airborne yeasts, and sculpted into final form by that most primitive of the elemental forces, fire (gas mark 9). A …
A sourdough starter is similar in many ways* to the tortoise – with love, care and regular meals it can last a lifetime and give many hours of contemplative pleasure. On the other hand, with indifference, neglect and irregular feeding, like Freda from Blue Peter, it’s prone to die a slow, silent and lonely death. Regrettably, shamefully, but not entirely …
The arrival of Granny and an aunty to celebrate Yumblog Junior’s second birthday had the added advantage of the potential for babysitting and therefore a rare evening out for the parents. Searching for tasty and cheesy ballast with which to fortify ourselves before what was inevitably going to be a multi-pint boozy night out, we sensibly turned to the ever-dependable …